I take things to heart.
I am a person who listens to what people say, look at myself and then say, "you're not good enough."
I am worth more than that, they say.
However, at the same time, I feel opposite from what they say to me.
What do you mean, Annie? Let me tell you.
I am told that I am a great person. That I am caring and that I am loving. That I put myself out there for others. That I am selfless and that I am someone who truly cares. Someone who is willing to be last and let others be first. One who listens and truly listens. I am told that I am liked by all and that I have few enemies. Yes, I agree with these things, but here is where I start to think opposite...
When my faults are pointed out to me in a way that makes me feel like I fail all the time.
When others make me feel as though I am always a certain way, that my moods never change.
That people are just used to my anger and my bitterness.
That I am never happy and that I am never satisfied.
I know that I love honesty, I do. However, sometimes honesty is not dealt with in proper ways. Maybe, I am too sensitive. Maybe, I shouldn't let things get to me too much. Maybe, I need to change. Maybe, people say these things to hint that my heart is not in the right place. Maybe, I am a failure, maybe not. I do know for a fact though that when these things are said, or shown, or whatever, I feel totally not worth anything. I feel like I have failed as a follower of Christ, that I have failed in what I proclaim.
Maybe, I am too angry, too bitter. Maybe.
The true question is how do I deal with these things?
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