Muncie, Indiana

Over the past ten months, I have crossed further and further into a battlefield. As I have been ministering to and alongside of people, I have felt a strong presence of the enemy and seen a great deal of spiritual warfare. It has been painful, tiring, and annoying. However, through all of this I have seen God work a great deal in my life and the life of others.

I didn't grow up understand much about spiritual warfare or even with much of an understanding of the devil. I knew that he was bad and that we were supposed to do what was good. Whenever people would talk about Satan I would think of that stupid church song, "if I had a little red box to put the devil in...I would take him out and smash him up and put him back again." So, here I am as a little kid picturing this little red character and smashing him to a pulp. The song does try to get across that we are more powerful, but it was a rude awakening for me when I grew up and understood that he was bigger than that. This whole idea of spiritual warfare was nothing but a joke to me but the truth is that it's much bigger than that.

I drive down the streets at night and see people walking alone up and down, nowhere to go. Sometimes when I am driving, I feel this deep and painful heartache for them. Then at other times, I feel that with a side of dark presence surrounding them. The worst of it is when I see people from my community and members of our church and I feel the same exact pains. I know that the devil is targeting our community and I know that he has hold of some of our households. However, I also know that we serve a God who is so much bigger than that. I know that there are some things that are happening that shouldn't be happening, but I also know that God loves his children and wants them to know that the devil has no reign over them.

I have seen God pull some people out of a lot of things over the past ten months. I have seen how the body has come together to fight together. I have also seen how the devil has taken reign on some people and it seems like we have given up. This is an uncomfortable topic and I think that we get weirded out talking about it sometimes but the truth is that it needs to be talked about. We need to see what we need to do and we need to see what God is doing.

The truth of it all is that God is doing something big. He is working in the people of Muncie and he does have reign over this area. The truth is louder than the lies we are being fed, we just have to listen. We are stronger than any stronghold of this area, we just have to rise up. This is a call that has been coming to us for a long time, it's time that we take it.

Who I Am Not

There has been an uprising in my soul for the past couple of weeks. This uprising is caused by snide remarks, contemplation, and just life itself. It spun my world into a bit of chaos and even more so brought more challenges my way. These challenges are pushing me to think in a new light and live in a new way. The way that I am going about things right now just isn't cutting it and I need to do something about it. I need a change of pace, a new way of living, something that isn't my typical everyday life.

People are always telling me things about myself. They are always telling me who I am and how I live my life. Some of these things are true, but then again some are far from the truth. I was always told as a kid not to let other people's words hurt me or harm me. However, not letting them harm me and having an affect on me are two different things. There has to be a reason that they say the things they do and if it strikes a wrong chord then I should do something about it. If it makes me think at all, then I need to understand why I am thinking that.

I am not saying that we should take everyone's words to heart and make changes accordingly. I am just saying that if some things offend us, there has to be a reason behind it. We should take those things as challenges and see what God can do with them. Taking them as challenges and remembering that the truth has to be overheard in the lies. It is in this that we will grow most and that we will continue to become who we were made to be. This chaos that I have been thrown into can be a good thing as long as I use it to be a good thing.

Back Again

"For the secret of a man's being is not only to live ... but to live for something definite. Without a firm notion of what he is living for, man will not accept life and will rather destroy himself than remain on earth..." 

Fyodor Dostoevsky

A year ago, I found myself in a constant struggle with deciding where I was going to go when I graduated. I was nervous to walk forward as I did not know what my purpose was or where I would be. I was told that I would do great things and wherever I went that God would use me. I was in search for something greater in my life. I was in search for a calling that was not only compatible with my life but would push me to be something greater. I was searching for a place in which God would not only use me, but would challenge me and strengthen me. I found myself in Muncie, Indiana. This was not my idea of living out my calling. It was not my idea of living up to my full potential. At times, I did not understand why I was there or am there now. 

This year has been full of numerous hardships. I have been knocked down and at times have stayed on the ground for days. However, I always get up and continue to walk forward. At times though, the walking has been painful. I have not understood my purpose of where I am. I feel like I do not fit in where I am at. I feel like I am doing more harm than I am good. I feel like I am crumbling and that I will never be able to get back up again. I let the lies get to me and I hear them louder than anything else. I see God's goodness and I hear his truth, but I cannot find my purpose and that speaks so much louder. As I cannot see my purpose, my confidence deteriorates and I start to fall apart. 

I am in this phase yet again. I am searching to see where God wants me and to see what my calling is in life. As I look back on this last year, I refuse to let myself be destroyed because of lies. I know that I have a purpose in this world and I know that I have a calling. The truth is that just because we do something and it doesn't work out, it doesn't mean that we are failing. It means that we are one step closer to figuring out what we are supposed to do. We are allowed to see what fits best for us and what God has chosen for us. We are allowed to completely and totally fail at something. It is through those things that we discover who we truly are. It is through our failures and our hardships that we see where we are supposed to be. 

With all of this said, I am actually excited to see what the future holds. I know that I often say that "I give up," but the truth is that I never will. I know that there is more out there for me and I know that I will be used wherever I go. I also know that my idea of calling is skewed by my own thoughts and that God's idea may be completely different. It's time to give up my fear and just step out.