Last night at Bible study, we talked a bit about Genesis 32. The comment was brought up that Joseph does not get anyone back for what they do to him, but when his brothers come around he messes with them a bit. We talked about how sometimes it is more important for us to call out our families even if they have fully betrayed us. We test them and put them through trial because we want them to be better than that. We want the next generation to be better than this generation. We have to make it a point to help our future generations. It is our job to make future generations better. It is on us and no matter how much we may dislike our families, there still is something in us that cares.
This all hit me even more than it did last night. As we were with our students today, I saw a lot of pain in one family. I saw anger and tension and hardship. Arguments from farther up in the family has come down to the kids. And it is hurting them and holding back their growth. It is keeping them from growing in relationships with one another and with the family in general. This is what they are seeing and they are watching. Not saying that we should use the excuse that because of the family they grew up in gives them a right to be a certain way, but it is the family's obligation to help them to become more than that. I don't want these kids to raise a family in the homes that they have grown up in. I watch them come in broken and hurt and know that they can be better than this. I know that they can raise a family in something better. I know that they can raise a family in something bigger. I know that as a body, as a family, that it is our duty to see to it that they do.
Thursday, August 25, 2011
Saturday, August 20, 2011
Genesis 41
Joseph has had a pretty bad losing streak so far in the book of Genesis. He was the favorite son which placed him last on the list with his brothers. He had dreams that showed the future which made him an outcast in the family. His dreams gave him the future of being a very successful person which brought more hatred toward him. His brothers became sick of all the glorification of Joseph. They were fed up with him and wanted to rid of him. They threw him into a pit and decided to spare his life and be humane enough to sell him into slavery. Joseph no longer is a free man, but is owned by someone else. He gets thrown into jail where it seems like he might have a break, but he is left behind and forgotten by those he helps. His life that was supposed to be so glorious seems to have gone down the drain. Then we get to Genesis 41.
Pharaoh has a couple of dreams in Genesis 41. These dreams make Pharaoh a little bit uneasy. He does not know what to make of them, but he is nervous about them. He sends for wise men and magicians to tell him what the dreams mean. How typically human of Pharaoh. He sends out for humans to decipher a prophetic dream. He does not send his request to the Lord first off. He does not ask God what the dreams meant, but instead he goes to the people first. This is something that I feel like we do on a regular basis as humans. We do not go to God first, but instead, we go straight to our friends or whoever we see as wise first. When something freaks us out, it is not always easy to go to God because God may not have the answer that we want to hear.
Pharaoh hears about Joseph and he sends for him. Joseph explains that it is beyond his power to tell Pharaoh what his dreams mean. It is only through God himself that Joseph can tell Pharaoh his dreams. It is only through God that anything can be revealed to Pharaoh. Joseph recognizes God and tells Pharaoh that it is only through him that any light can be shed on this dream. He does not hesitate to tell him this.
Joseph explains to Pharaoh again that God is telling him. God is speaking to him. He is telling Pharaoh what is happening in the dreams. Pharaoh then has a choice whether or not to follow what God is telling him through Joseph or to continue to live life in his own way. This is Joseph's big break, he is brought out of everything that he was thrown into and made ruler of Egypt. This goes back to Joseph's dreams himself. He was made into someone who everyone will bow down to, even his family.
As I read through this, the biggest thing that I am reminded of is that God speaks. God speaks. We talked about this a little bit last week. We talked about how it freaks us out when God speaks to us. We forget as a body so often that God does does speak. This passage reminds me that we serve a living God. We serve an active God. Someone who is in our life and is intentional with us. We serve an intentional God. Looking back at previous chapters, we see how Joseph lived a life that was fully dependent on God. How else would he get through the pits? How else would he get through prison? Only a man of God who knows that God speaks can get through these things. Joseph knew from the beginning that God was going to make him into something. He saw his visions and spoke the visions of God. He may have been persecuted, but it is through those persecutions that he was refined and made into the leader that God wanted him to be. It all was in God's timing. We are so willing to turn to our friends especially when God's timing just isn't working out for us. However, God speaks and we need to be willing to listen. It is then that God's plan works out the best.
Pharaoh has a couple of dreams in Genesis 41. These dreams make Pharaoh a little bit uneasy. He does not know what to make of them, but he is nervous about them. He sends for wise men and magicians to tell him what the dreams mean. How typically human of Pharaoh. He sends out for humans to decipher a prophetic dream. He does not send his request to the Lord first off. He does not ask God what the dreams meant, but instead he goes to the people first. This is something that I feel like we do on a regular basis as humans. We do not go to God first, but instead, we go straight to our friends or whoever we see as wise first. When something freaks us out, it is not always easy to go to God because God may not have the answer that we want to hear.
Pharaoh hears about Joseph and he sends for him. Joseph explains that it is beyond his power to tell Pharaoh what his dreams mean. It is only through God himself that Joseph can tell Pharaoh his dreams. It is only through God that anything can be revealed to Pharaoh. Joseph recognizes God and tells Pharaoh that it is only through him that any light can be shed on this dream. He does not hesitate to tell him this.
Joseph explains to Pharaoh again that God is telling him. God is speaking to him. He is telling Pharaoh what is happening in the dreams. Pharaoh then has a choice whether or not to follow what God is telling him through Joseph or to continue to live life in his own way. This is Joseph's big break, he is brought out of everything that he was thrown into and made ruler of Egypt. This goes back to Joseph's dreams himself. He was made into someone who everyone will bow down to, even his family.
As I read through this, the biggest thing that I am reminded of is that God speaks. God speaks. We talked about this a little bit last week. We talked about how it freaks us out when God speaks to us. We forget as a body so often that God does does speak. This passage reminds me that we serve a living God. We serve an active God. Someone who is in our life and is intentional with us. We serve an intentional God. Looking back at previous chapters, we see how Joseph lived a life that was fully dependent on God. How else would he get through the pits? How else would he get through prison? Only a man of God who knows that God speaks can get through these things. Joseph knew from the beginning that God was going to make him into something. He saw his visions and spoke the visions of God. He may have been persecuted, but it is through those persecutions that he was refined and made into the leader that God wanted him to be. It all was in God's timing. We are so willing to turn to our friends especially when God's timing just isn't working out for us. However, God speaks and we need to be willing to listen. It is then that God's plan works out the best.
Such a Life
We were in Los Angeles, sitting in a circle as usual, debriefing about Capstone so far. We had gone to Skid Row that day and we were talking about the sights that we had seen. People laying everywhere, no food, no shelter, pain in their eyes. Surrounded by 45,000 other homeless people, but so lonely and afraid. Skid Row is a hard place to walk around. It is hard to walk over limp bodies and to hear the sorrowful calls of the people that you are walking by. It is hard to look them in the eyes and say hello, knowing that is all that you can offer them. Sitting in that circle on that night, I was asked what I felt since I knew what I was getting into. I explained how it was hard to look at Skid Row, but when I looked at it, I did not see hopelessness. I did not see something that was broken, but instead, I saw something beautiful. I saw people of God, children of God, image bearers. I saw hope. It is only with darkness that light can be brought in. It is only in hopelessness that hope can be delivered. It is painful to look at and it is saddens our hearts, but it is in this that I see God the most. I see his hand, I see his light, and I see his people delivered. It is the same here in Muncie.
I grew up coming to Muncie. The south side of Muncie is not the place for people to visit. It is not the most welcoming place. It is not a place where people just go to hang out. It is run down, dirty, and a hopeless mess. There is nothing there. The people there aren't my kind of people. It is just not a good place to go. I never went to the south side, now I live there. I live among the “hopelessness.” I live among the pain, sorrow, and the fear. To be honest, it is not that scary to live here, it is not really the most frightening place in the world. I can go outside after dark. I can go places around the neighborhood and feel safe. I feel safe where I live, but I do see pain. I do see sorrow and I feel the burdens of those in the neighborhood.
I see God's hand over this place. I see his hope raining down on this place. I see him picking up broken hearts and mending them. I feel God's presence in this place. It is a beautiful thing to see. It is a beautiful thing to see the people who I come in contact with everyday and see the image of God in them. It is a beautiful thing to see those who should be giving up by the world's view and having the most faith that I have ever seen. It is a beautiful thing to see these people lifting me up and encouraging me when they are so much deeper in than me. God has shown me what it means to hope by living here. He has shown me what it means to love. He has shown me what it means to care for those around me and to see beauty in the ghetto.
I grew up coming to Muncie. The south side of Muncie is not the place for people to visit. It is not the most welcoming place. It is not a place where people just go to hang out. It is run down, dirty, and a hopeless mess. There is nothing there. The people there aren't my kind of people. It is just not a good place to go. I never went to the south side, now I live there. I live among the “hopelessness.” I live among the pain, sorrow, and the fear. To be honest, it is not that scary to live here, it is not really the most frightening place in the world. I can go outside after dark. I can go places around the neighborhood and feel safe. I feel safe where I live, but I do see pain. I do see sorrow and I feel the burdens of those in the neighborhood.
I see God's hand over this place. I see his hope raining down on this place. I see him picking up broken hearts and mending them. I feel God's presence in this place. It is a beautiful thing to see. It is a beautiful thing to see the people who I come in contact with everyday and see the image of God in them. It is a beautiful thing to see those who should be giving up by the world's view and having the most faith that I have ever seen. It is a beautiful thing to see these people lifting me up and encouraging me when they are so much deeper in than me. God has shown me what it means to hope by living here. He has shown me what it means to love. He has shown me what it means to care for those around me and to see beauty in the ghetto.
It Never Ends
Passion, a word that describes me so well. A word that turns so many others off. A word that makes others shy away from specific topics. A word that scares some from having specific conversations with me. Some might say that it is dramatic. Some might say that it is not necessary. Some might say that it is all just too much. It is these “some might say” that have kept me quiet. It is those who have calmed me down that have kept me from being open. It is those who have shut me up that have brought me to being insecure about vulnerability. And it is time for me to speak up and no one is going to stop me.
I watched The Help last night. It is a great movie and it was so well done. The whole time a passion was stirring up in me. An anger was stirring up in me and a constant tug on my heart. As I watched that movie, I was furious. Not because of some civil rights movement from years ago, not because the mistreatment of anyone happened in the 50's and 60's. Not because Jim Crow was a moron and stupid laws were put in place. It was because our mindsets have not changed at all. Sure, we do not have Jim Crow laws anymore, we don't have segregated schools or restaurants, but we still think the same. Whenever we see someone who is different from us, whether they be Black, Hispanic, Asian, Korean, or anyone else, we create judgments in our mind. We look at people according to what they look like or what the stereotypes are. This is the most frustrating thing for me. It has been something that has been building up in me for quite a few years now.
As I was at Taylor, I had friends who I respected greatly. I had friends who were extremely close to me and I would go to them before anyone else for advice or guidance. However, these same friends who were so great to me also frustrated me the most. They judged people greater than anyone else I have ever come in contact with. They made jokes about people, only joking, but jokes have so much truth packed in. Those jokes came from somewhere. And so often, I sat there. I kept my mouth shut and did not stand up. I did not want to be mocked myself. I did not want to be hurt myself. I wanted to just get by because I know how much words hurt and I watched words hurt people over and over again. I watched myself turn out to be the same way. I watched myself get the same mindset about the people that my friends were judgmental against. People who I once cared for and reached out to, I turned against. I don't want that anymore. I am sick of it, I want to be free of it.
My mother's side of the family is extremely racist. I spoke up for so many years, getting upset about the stupid comments they made. I was silenced time after time which made me realize that what I had to say was not important. “We are just kidding, Anna,” they would repeat time after time. Kidding, yeah right. They might have said that they were kidding, but the truth is that they are not kidding at all. What is the point of even saying it? What is the point of even joking? What is the point? They saw the pain in my eyes, they saw how their words hurt me and they never stopped. They still don't. They say things that are a shot to my heart and they know it. If they do not know it, they truly have not feelings.
The reason for all of this anger lately, for me being so upset is because of our last family function. I have been thinking about how I was so upset and so hurt last weekend. My Aunt made a stupid comment about the kids that I work with. She doesn't even know them. She said that maybe I should help her kids get through school. I love my job, I love the students I work with. They have potential and they are going to go far. They need people in their lives to show them that. I get so much crap from my family for the things that I do. I get so much crap for why I live my life the way that I do. I am okay with it. I am okay with the way that they talk about me. I am okay with how they hurt me over and over again, but I am not okay with how they talk about the people that I work with. They call themselves Christians and I want to see that more lived out in their lives. They mock my life of Christianity and how I follow Christ, but the truth is that I have never had much of a model to look up to.
I watched The Help last night. It is a great movie and it was so well done. The whole time a passion was stirring up in me. An anger was stirring up in me and a constant tug on my heart. As I watched that movie, I was furious. Not because of some civil rights movement from years ago, not because the mistreatment of anyone happened in the 50's and 60's. Not because Jim Crow was a moron and stupid laws were put in place. It was because our mindsets have not changed at all. Sure, we do not have Jim Crow laws anymore, we don't have segregated schools or restaurants, but we still think the same. Whenever we see someone who is different from us, whether they be Black, Hispanic, Asian, Korean, or anyone else, we create judgments in our mind. We look at people according to what they look like or what the stereotypes are. This is the most frustrating thing for me. It has been something that has been building up in me for quite a few years now.
As I was at Taylor, I had friends who I respected greatly. I had friends who were extremely close to me and I would go to them before anyone else for advice or guidance. However, these same friends who were so great to me also frustrated me the most. They judged people greater than anyone else I have ever come in contact with. They made jokes about people, only joking, but jokes have so much truth packed in. Those jokes came from somewhere. And so often, I sat there. I kept my mouth shut and did not stand up. I did not want to be mocked myself. I did not want to be hurt myself. I wanted to just get by because I know how much words hurt and I watched words hurt people over and over again. I watched myself turn out to be the same way. I watched myself get the same mindset about the people that my friends were judgmental against. People who I once cared for and reached out to, I turned against. I don't want that anymore. I am sick of it, I want to be free of it.
My mother's side of the family is extremely racist. I spoke up for so many years, getting upset about the stupid comments they made. I was silenced time after time which made me realize that what I had to say was not important. “We are just kidding, Anna,” they would repeat time after time. Kidding, yeah right. They might have said that they were kidding, but the truth is that they are not kidding at all. What is the point of even saying it? What is the point of even joking? What is the point? They saw the pain in my eyes, they saw how their words hurt me and they never stopped. They still don't. They say things that are a shot to my heart and they know it. If they do not know it, they truly have not feelings.
The reason for all of this anger lately, for me being so upset is because of our last family function. I have been thinking about how I was so upset and so hurt last weekend. My Aunt made a stupid comment about the kids that I work with. She doesn't even know them. She said that maybe I should help her kids get through school. I love my job, I love the students I work with. They have potential and they are going to go far. They need people in their lives to show them that. I get so much crap from my family for the things that I do. I get so much crap for why I live my life the way that I do. I am okay with it. I am okay with the way that they talk about me. I am okay with how they hurt me over and over again, but I am not okay with how they talk about the people that I work with. They call themselves Christians and I want to see that more lived out in their lives. They mock my life of Christianity and how I follow Christ, but the truth is that I have never had much of a model to look up to.
Sunday, August 7, 2011
Hello there, old friend...
It has been a long time now and I have been itchin' to get a blog out there in cyberspace. I mean, not really, but I feel like it is time to send an update to the world out there that is taking over our real world here (guess you were always right Mr. Neil Postman). Life here in Muncie has not changed much. Still busy, still tiring and still life. The biggest change that is happening is that I might take on more hours at the center and start to raise some support. It is funny because as I was thinking about going out to Los Angeles, I was so willing to raise support, but now that I am in Muncie, Indiana, I am so less willing. Funny how things happen. If I was somewhere where I wanted to be, I was willing to do what it takes, but since God changed my plans and sent me here, I am so much less willing. My eyes have been opened more and more to that recently. I rad in the Bible about how God has set plans before people and they turn their backs and then he does it again and again they turn their back. It is like we know what is better for us. Ha. That is funny. And then I sit in church and hear the Word of God which is that he will send us places, we just have to follow his commands. And then I read books where titles of chapters are, "Quit trying to figure out his will for your life." It is like he has been sending me signals or something. It makes me think of Bruce Almighty where Bruce is driving down the road and he is praying to God to just send him a sign and on the side of the road there is a sign that says, "caution ahead" and then a truck bed full of signs that say, "wrong way, do not enter" and he is being told to turn around. And so often the same thing happens to me. I am praying for God to give me a sign, but I keep going my own way because it is what I want. I drown out everything that God is showing me and saying to me because it is not what is on my own agenda. How interesting. I guess I should start listening.
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)