10

Two days ago I was sitting with my family and my father had mentioned that he was asked to be interviewed for the 10 year anniversary of the Taylor accident. There was frustration in his voice as he talked about it and he responded with, "they all want to remember it when there are a few of us who are just trying to forget." The pain and the frustration in my father's comments made this year's anniversary harder for me than in the past. 

In all honesty I don't want to forget the accident and to the reality is that I will never be able to forget the accident. It changed my life forever and has shaped me into the human being that I am in. However, the pain that my father has gone through within these ten years has brought me to a place where I am fearful to talk about it. Part of me feels dumb to continue to grieve after ten years and another part feels that for my father's sake I should forget it. 

Throughout the day yesterday, I did not have much processing time or reaction to the accident. As the day went on there were more and more posts and texts that came in that eventually brought me to a breakdown point. We recognize the event as we have gone through life and everyone has moved on. We have grown and we have been through life, but I don't feel like it was ten years ago. I feel like everything happened yesterday and my life is continuing to be impacted by it. A lot of our lives are being impacted by it day after day. It's hard to believe that it was ten years because it has felt more like one day. 

I don't want to forget this day ever happened and I want to continue to remember it. I would love to forget some of the pain, but the truth is that through the pain I have grown. Ten years later and I am still learning from the lives of the people who died that day. I am grateful for the interactions that I did have during their times at Taylor. I am grateful for the people that they had become at that time and how they impacted so many lives around them. I am grateful for how they taught me to love others and that everyone in my life that I come in contact with is important. I am grateful to grieve because grieving means that there was meaning in that accident. 

The accident still challenges me in the goodness of God. Even when I don't want to listen or when I am trying to run away, he continues to speak through this event. I have seen what he has done through this and what he continues to do. Here's to ten years of remembrance and to those lives who have had such an impact on who I am today.