Contemplative.

Goodbyes are hard to say. This becomes more real to me every year as I watch the same things happen during graduation weekend. As I sit there and watch people have a last hoorah together of drunkenness, making out, and "living the dream," the more I realize that it is all just an escape. Every year, there are huge parties to celebrate how we no longer are on the LTC and how we have made it through. Do I have fun? Of course I do. However, at the same time, it kills me on the inside. I mean, I do have fun and I do like hanging out with people. However, I am not hanging out with my real friends. I am hanging out with the buzzed, tipsy, or drunk versions of my friends. What an awesome way to spend my last Saturday night of my college career...

Here's what I did love about the weekend...

I loved sitting on the porch, talking about life and being able to really discuss what is going on in life. I loved being able to go out with friends at 1 am to Southside for a night of good conversation and many laughs. I loved having meals and sitting around the table in each others presence. I loved running errands and spending quality time.

Sure, partying is fun.
It is a blast.
But for me, it is an escape.
It may not be to others, for them it may be a way to really enjoy those last moments.
I just wish that my last night at TU could have been more intentional.

Oh well.

Pile of Stones

We did not know what we were getting ourselves into when we headed down State Road 26. We arrived at the house to see a sign on the door that he was in the barn. We walked around back, still not so sure of what was going to happen this day as we were just helping out a neighbor. That's when we met James or Jim (we are friends now, so I can call him Jim). Jim was so joyful and so full of life. He was excited to see his brothers and sisters at his door to help him. He joyfully greeted us and more joyfully thanked us for being there. We walked around the yard and cleared up the the sticks and leaves. We spent about two hours doing this until the thunderstorm brought our work to an end. Jim invited us inside to have cupcakes, write in the guestbook, and have a seat. As we sat in that house and as Avaline, Jim's wife, sat with us we were blessed. We were blessed, we were convicted, and we saw a glimpse of God.

The first blessing of God was how he showed his faithfulness. Jim and Avaline do not live an eloquent life in a large house. They do not live a life that is filled with riches and filled with never ending funds. Quite the opposite. Jim and Avaline live a humble life in a humble home. They are on the fence everyday if they will be able to remain in their home. And as we were sitting there listening to their lives and how God brought them to where they were at, we saw how faithful God truly is. Avaline handed us a book that had many signatures of the people who have poured into their lives. And that was when Avaline explained that when times get hard, God blesses them so much through people. She explained that if she put stones in a pile for all the blessings that God has given them and given them through people, the pile would be never ending. God is faithful.

The second blessing or maybe conviction was that God will guide us. If we let go of everything, he will show us where to go. If we just stop trying to control what we want to do and look to him, he will take us somewhere. There is much more to this story, but no words can describe it. God is in control.

I am perfect.

It has been argued so much for the past week and yes it has been annoying, tiring, and downright obnoxious, but I am choosing to write about it anyway. Ignorant statement after ignorant statement has gotten me to the point where I am thoroughly annoyed. As we sat in class today, we did a mini-poll. The poll started out with a few question about the summer and about life. The poll ended with some questions about Osama. The first couple were the typical "Go America!" questions that I could not justify myself to answer in a way that said, "Go America!" The last couple were theological. The question "Is Osama going to burn in hell?" brought upon a roar of laughter. Really, church? Is this how we feel as a body? This is what brought me to the deepest pain. The fact that we can straight up laugh at someone's possible damnation. Why is this something that is so funny to us? I suppose that justice is truly served when a person is personally separated from God. All of us are made in the image of God. We were given the ability to love like the God who loves us. Of course our love will never be a perfect love, but God gave us the capability to love like he loves. When a person loses a life that and that life was never reconciled with the perfect, loving God, who brought all humanity into existence, God mourns. He mourns over all life that is lost. He mourns over those who never came into a perfect love with him. He mourns over those who will never be in His kingdom. And yet, we think this is funny. Justice is served, a man is dead and there is a possibility that he did not know God. This is not something that we as a Christian body should rejoice over. This is not something that we should chant "GO AMERICA!" This is something that we as a Christian body should be mourning over. We should be deeply hurt and sorrowful because someone who could have spent eternity with the all loving father may not be. And yet, this is all a joke.

With this, I think that we should all accept a challenge. What is the purpose of our lives? What do we live for? We should be a life that is rejoicing with what God rejoices with. We should be mourning with what our God mourns. We should be showing love even in the hardest circumstances. This death of a man who was openly hated should be something that opens our eyes as believers. One of the last questions that was asked on that poll "Does God love Osama Bin Laden?" Not everyone could say yes. That is a sad thing to hear. Our God, our loving, forgiving, and deeply compassionate God does not dislike his creation. He does not hate his creation. He may hate what is wicked and what is wrong, but that is not humanity. He loves all and cares for all because all was created in him image.

You threw a stone too.
We are murderers too.
We killed our King and yet we were not "justly" punished.