When life throws you lemons...

As I sit here, I think of how grateful that am tat I have a loving community around me. And I see the love of God and the hand of God on the people around me. I see Him working through people and Him pouring into people around here. I see His light shining. I see all of this and I see where I am at. The struggles that I have gone through this past weekend and the unrest that resides in my soul because of it. Not an unrest in the sense that I am nervous or scared, but an unrest in what Jesus would do. It is such a lame sounding phrase, but as I sit here and think, it's an intense question.

When a person is in a bind, they need help, they verbally admit that they need help, but they are not willing to take the steps that are needed...is it right to throw them back to where they were before? From my experiences with tough love, I would say that is what needs to be done, but as I look at the holistic Gospel that is the imago dei, is that really what is to be done? I want to say yes, but the truth is that I fall into conflict with myself. Where is my role in this? When am I supposed to step up and intervene with interest of self and what needs to be done? When am I suppose to be protector?

We fall into these what would Jesus do moments every once in a while. It is the moments where you know that something has to be done, but something else inside of you questions if that really was the right thing. It is a battle that strengthens us and that pushes us to really trust in the Lord, but also pushes us in love. The only reason we ever ask ourselves these questions is because of love. It is because we care and we know that there could be something better for a situation. The question is...how do we find the balance between knowing there could be something better, but being alright with not being able to do anything else at the time. And here I am, in another battle where the Lord is taking over my heart. The truth is that I need to be okay with the battle and wrestle with what is going on in order to become even more like Christ.

"On behalf of this man I will boast, but on my own behalf I will not boast, except of my weaknesses. Though if I should wish to boast, I would not be a fool, for I would be speaking the truth. But I refrain from it, so that no one may think more of me than he sees in me or hears from me. So to keep me from becoming conceited because of the surpassing greatness of the revelations, a thorn was given me in the flesh, a messenger of Satan to harass me, to keep me from becoming conceited. Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong."
(2 Corinthians 12:5-10 ESV)

True.

"It is a fearful thing to fall into the hands of the living God. He is dangerous, not safe at all. And yet there is something far more dangerous and fearful than to fall into His hands: to not fall into His hands" -Mark Buchanan

What a trip...

I moved some more stuff in to the house yesterday. My room at my parent's house is pretty much cleaned out...weird. We have a new person living in the house with me. She seems cool. I met her last night, but have been pretty busy today. We did watch good ol' "I Love You, Man" last night so that was good. It was quite the long day though, so I had to hit the sack.

As far as today...
Nothing much has been happening. I was working on some stuff at Starbucks this morning and now just catching up on my technological side of things. So, it isn't too interesting. I mean there was a man and his pet parrot at Starbucks this morning, I guess that was kind of interesting. Ha. However, it is good to be relaxing. This has been a pretty chill week of relaxing and hanging out with people. I am glad that I have gotten the chance to see some people. It has been a nice, chill, and good week.

Tonight...
We have the awards ceremony for the students from the Education Center. It should be good. It will be good to see the kids...I haven't seen them since last Monday. I am looking forward to seeing them. It is weird to go through a week and not having them rag on me or whine about how much they hate school or for Tim to say, "Miss Annie, you mean!" Ha. I'm so mean, I make them do their homework. Man, what a jerk.

Life...
Summer stuff starts on Tuesday. Wooo. More school stuff. It should be a good summer though. We will have the same kids from academic coaching, so that will be fun to hang out with them. ALSO, I had an interview with CVS...so hopefully, that will pull through. Fingers crossed.

That is all for now.

Oh what a life...

Saturday. What a great day to live the dream. Seriously, live the dream.

A day that was full of baby showers, music, art, and some great food. A well rounded day in my opinion. I know that I am not much of the baby shower type, but for once in my life I did not want to fall off a cliff the entire time. Actually, it was a pretty good time of laughs and fun. The best part of it all was meeting the mother to be at her own baby shower. It seemed extremely weird to me at first as well, but the truth is that it was something that was not so bad. Actually, it felt even more welcoming into the church body. It has only been a week, but I feel completely comfortable here. I feel like I can be myself and that I fit in just fine. That is such a blessing especially with moving into a new neighborhood. It is sweet to see people be intentional and come knocking at my door to join in with festivities that might be going on. Not only that, but it is even cooler to be a part of it all and not feel awkward for being there. I am glad to see people reach out and be intentional about it. It is a nice feeling for sure and something that I am grateful for.

Following the baby shower, we headed out to symphony on the green at Ball State. It was nice to chill out on the grass and listen to some great music. As I sat there and listened, it only reminded me of why I love the violin so much. It definitely brought back some great feelings to listen to it. Let's just say sitting there in complete and total relaxation was a perfect addition to the day. I love days where you don't have to worry about anything and you can just relax. I love relaxing to an orchestra playing in perfect summer weather. Maybe, I am turning into a sap, but if this is what a sap is like...I'm all for it.

As we were there, we started to talk to a couple of women from Fairmount who had a booth to sell hair clips, earrings, and such to raise money to bring home a girl from Ethiopia. I loved hearing why they were raising money and to see that the money wasn't even for either one of them. They were simply doing it because they loved one of their friends so much. They cared for her so much that they wanted nothing more than to sell crafts that they had made themselves to help her out. That is what I call community. That is what I call love. That is what I call being a neighbor.

The night ended with Payne's and a favorite...Office Space.

Hello beautiful summer. Livin' the dream.

"Ain't got no neighbors, that's why they call it 'hood"

There is a auto body shop next to me..right next door. This is not only an auto body shop, but it is a home. A home to not one, but two families. They have their RVs parked right next to each other and right against the fence. They used to have a pool, but not anymore, it was gone as of yesterday. Now, they have a lot, a few cars, a tent, and two RVs. Night after night, the same thing happens: Someone doesn't want to go to bed or someone is upset with someone else. That is when the yelling and the screaming starts. And, I sit in my house, listening to it all and all I can think is how good I have it. I have a house that doesn't move. It is big enough for people to live in and not be sleeping on top of each other. I have a healthy relationship with my family where we aren't constantly swearing at each other. I don't have to live a life that is confined in a metal fence, but I get to live life. I grew up and had it so good. And as I sit there every night, I know that all I can do for those kids is pray. They have it hard...even if they do have good parents. Living life like that is not a way to grow up. Having no place to run around and living in one room of a moving home as your family, that is not a way to grow up. And on the other side of me, nothing. Abandoned house with no one, but a really nice man who mows the yard...he likes my car...he told me.

I have been blessed with a heart that breaks for people, but sometimes it is so hard to admit that it is a blessing.

Community

I have been blessed by this community already. I have been a part of a few churches and I have felt welcomed in all of them, but I can say that this is the first church where people have gone out of their way to make me feel welcomed. They make sure that I know where everyone lives. They make sure that I know what is going on. They invite me out and they ask me to be a part of their lives. It is a community that I am glad to be a part of and that I am excited to see how I am a part of it. It has been a week and I have seen how God is working here and how He is working in specific lives. I am excited to see where I fit in the puzzle.

God has blessed me a few times over the past week with Andrew and Leslie. The other night Leslie made it a point to invite me over for dinner and also for a T-ball game. I know that it t-ball does not sound so interesting, but it is awesome to see how they have made me a part of their family. I feel comfortable going over there and being a part of their family. I feel comfortable being real with them and letting them know what is going on in my life. I am so excited for the relationship that has been built with them thus far and excited to see where it goes.

Church and meals after church has provided a sweet community for me as well. I love how the church worships together. The Lord is working in the people of the church and that is evident on Sunday morning and outside of church. Watching the conversations that happen after church and how God is moving in the church through those conversations is so cool to see. I have been placed in this church for a reason and I am glad that this is where I am right now.

Round 2

Week two. Round two. Here we go...

Life here in Muncie so far has been awesome. I have loved working at the Education Center...even though it is extremely tiring sometimes. Seriously though, I love working with these kids. Spending time with them is such a blessing, no matter how much they wear me out. I know that they can work through things and I know that they are smart enough. They have the ability to achieve and go far, but the motivation is lacking here at the end of the year. It does not make me want to give up on them, but it only makes me want to push them more. I want them to succeed and I want to see them finish without hating school. It is tiring as it is coming down to the wire and they need to have stuff done. However, they can do it. They are a joy in my life despite the lack of motivation and stubbornness.

Last Friday, we went on a field trip where they got to be outside and explore nature. We opened up the classroom of the outdoors to them. It was cool to see them get excited about discovering things outside and by being outside in general. One student in particular was not too excited to be there, but he came around. He started to get more excited as he explained all different kinds of insects, amphibians, and nature facts to us. He was in his element as he was outside exploring. As he got so excited about the trip, I was reminded of how the little things in life are so important. Someone could be having a terrible day, but something as little as being outside can turn that all around. It's those things that truly make our days that are awesome. Even if it is something that seems so simple and so small. It reminds me that we need to take note in the little things that not only we love, but those around us love as well.

Unpaid, but well worth it.

New Places New Faces

And here I will reside for the next year. A house to myself...for a little while. I think that I can handle it. No internet for now, but hey, there are plenty of places that have wifi. So, I guess, that is where I will get what I need as far as internet goes. I can deal with that. Last night was the first night that I actually stayed at my new house. It was all good except for that stupid dog who would not quit barking all night long last night. Man oh man...that dumb dog.

I look at my neighborhood and I could think what most probably think. Dirty. Disgusting. Ugly. Hopeless. Trashy. Ghetto. Good for nothing, South Side. I could agree with all of that. I could say that my neighborhood is all of those things. I probably would have at one point. The truth is that I cannot say this anymore. As I look at broken and desolate places, I can see nothing other than God's glory and hope. Where there is brokenness and pain, there is only room for hope and for God to work. It leaves room for his Kingdom to expand and become so much more. It leaves room for the hand of God and the hope of God. Yes, it is not the best part of town and yes, it can be a bit scary, but I am grateful for the opportunity to live there. I am grateful for speaking louder in my life than my own personal wants and my own personal greed. God has provided. Yeah, I miss California and I am itching to get out there, but if it is God's will, it will happen. The truth is that I have already fallen in love with the students that I work with here.

Today, I spent my day at the Urban Light Education Center. I am an academic coach. Ha, I know...riiiiight. Today I got the terrible three of the third graders and they were great. A bit unmotivated at times, but great. As we sat there and talked through their homework, I saw the beauty of God in them. It is so incredible how you can see such the character of God in a child. It was great to work with them as they asked me about my life. They wanted to know about my family and if it was a good family. They wanted to know if I was a baby mama. They want to come over to play playstation and hang out. They want to know my life, who I am, and where I came from. As they were asking me these questions, I saw a bit into their lives as well. I saw into their lives and what they see in their own lives or those around them. I saw the pain and fear that some of them had to deal with. I also saw how God has a protective cover over these kids' lives. I saw how he loves them and cares for them and has provided them with what they need. I saw how Leslie and Toddrick do care for the children and how they want nothing but the best for them. Most of all, I saw a future for these students. I saw how they will get through and they will not give up. A bit motivational speakeresque, I know, but it is the truth.

Hey there life for the next year, nice to meet you.