Minorities.

Hi. I'm white. I'm American. I'm middle class. I live comfortably. I'm a Christian. In America, I am not a minority...this is not America.

In Ethnic and Minority Issues, Jessup asks the question: "Have you ever been the minority?" As many of us live lives as described above, we can honestly say...no. No we have not. I have to an extent with living in Lithuania, but even then, I never really felt it other than a few times. Tonight, however, I felt that bit of minority. A group of us headed up to the castle to watch the sunset. We were sitting there enjoying the beauty of God's creation, when a few boys approached us. At first, things were going well, I gave one of them my Coke and they were just messing around. However, shortly things started to go downhill. The Coke that I had just recently given them, the spit out onto one of the girls. One of our guys defended her. Then, things relaxed again for a bit, until we decided to leave and they followed us. They spit on us, threw things at us, made vulgar comments and so on. Now, all of these things were completely harmless, but at the same time...they did make us kind of nervous. We couldn't speak the language, we couldn't tell them why these things were wrong. The boys handled it so well as they were really calm with this kids and they just loved on them even through their hostility/affection towards us. We were the minority. We could not speak their language. We did not thing their way. We just had to kind of go with it.

Lesson for the night:

True love is loving when hating is the easiest.

Idolize This

We had a longer group meeting than usual tonight. We went around and talked about what we have learned the most over the course of the trip and really sought insight of what the Holy Spirit was trying to show us. Kurt brought up this great point of all these places that we have seen throughout this trip. We have seen all these ruins and beautiful buildings made for gods and goddesses and they are beautiful, but they are nothing. They are rubbish. They mean nothing and that is because there is no god in those buildings. He is no where in those things and that means absolutely nothing, there is not eternal, there is nothing. This got me to start thinking about what God has been showing me throughout these two weeks...

Psalm 118:7

"Yes, the Lord is for me, he will help me. I will triumph at those who hate me."

God is there. He is not leaving. He is my rock, my fortress...he is what is protecting me. I can only win with him being there for me. And then I thought, what do idols do for me? Nothing, absolutely nothing. There is no God in the idols. There is nothing there. This means that I am not being pushed, but I am only existing. It's easy, it's easy to fall into that. What does this mean? If I want this and I want to worship the true God...I need to go all the way. I need to be pushed.

Haven't done this in a bit..

Pet peeves:

So there is this guy on the trip with me, right? Right. And he is totally diggin this other girl, right? Right. So, I steal her phone today...he totally tells her..."because I hate when people take my stuff." All of this is me just playin around right? Right. I'm sure that he never does that right? Wrong...seen it. Pet peeve: Sticking up for someone just because you want to hook up with them.

Pet peeve:

Angry drivers.

Get off the road.

'Nuff Said.

Analysis.

So, I get upset about what people say about me.

Conclusion, I analyze myself too much.

Conclusion, people pleaser.

I want to fix it.

Problem, I won't be able to fix it like I want.

Conclusion, chill out.

Yep...thought process right now.

hi im back.

Kelly, I decided to post one more just for you and because I was not really finished when I posted that last post...

So, I have had a lot to think about the last month. I have grown up in ways, seen things in different lights, made serious decisions, been pushed in different ways, and have had completely new understandings. This month has not been easy for me as I have seen myself have a need for change. In order for me to truly be who I say I am, then I must live in that way. Something that is easy for me to say, yet hard for me to do. I have understood what it means to take things to the extreme, to let them take my pain. I have learned what it means to let something take over my life to the point where I could not bare it anymore. What does this look like? Well, this is what it looks like...it looks like I have to change the way that I live. I have to live like I speak, get rid of those things that I let fill the voids where Christ should fill. I have to allow myself to be humbled down and really let myself go. I have to allow Christ to work in me. Why is this so hard? Here's why...because it challenges us. It means taking a step out of the comfortable zone, am I ready to do that? I say yes, but I do not know if I really mean it when I say it. I want to mean it when I say it and I want to change. I want to be challenged and I want to be pushed. I want to be out of my comfort zone. Bring it on.

What brought this about?

Turkey. More to be said later.

It's been a while...

So, I am in Turkey now. We have been here for a full week and I have yet to blog. Sad, I know. However, I decided that now is the time. I am not feeling too well today...which really sucks. However, we are at a spa hotel...that is nice. While most people went down to enjoy the thermal pool, I stayed back in the room resting...probably best for me right now. Being on a trip and being sick is probably one of the lamest things in the universe. But it's okay.

Turkey is such a gorgeous country. It is so nice to be in places that we read about in our Bibles and to walk where the Apostles themselves have walked. It makes everything so much easier to understand. It brings a new view on things and helps so much more.

Continuing on Trust

I believe that God has something in store for me. I believe that he is stretching me and that he is using me. I believe that he does what he does for a reason. I do trust him in what he is doing in my life, but it's not always easy to say that. It's hard for me to trust God especially when things that he puts on my plate seem so hard. When I cannot see what the outcome is, it is hard for me to have trust. It is hard for me to have faith that something is going to come out of the situation. I need to push myself to trust. I need to push myself to have faith. To allow God to work through me. To allow God in on my decisions and not try to make them on my own. Every decision I make should concern him.

Here it goes.

Be Blessed

"Blessed are those who put their trust in the Lord and have made the Lord their hope and confidence. They are like trees planted along a riverside with roots that go deep into the water. Such trees are not bothered by trhe heat or worried by long months of drought. Their leaves stay green and they go right on producing delicious fruit." Jeremiah 17:7-8

What does it look like to trust in the Lord? What does it look like to have him be our hope and our confidence? What does it look like to push our trust for ourselves aside? What does it look like to let go of what we want and what we think is best for us? What does it look like to fall and let the Lord catch us?

I believe in Jesus Christ. I believe that he was born as a human and walked around the earth as a man. I believe that he lived his life that was pleasing to his father in heaven. I believe that he was accused for falsehood and was murdered. I believe that he was risen again. I believe that he died so that I may live. I believe all these things. Belief is one thing, but trust is a completely different concept. I trust that God will take care of me...for the most part, but there is this human side of me. This human side that makes me want to take care of things myself. This human side that thinks it needs to take over. This human side that needs to protect itself and deal with situations on its own. However, the truth is, this side takes over way too much. It tries to control and dominate. God needs to start being the central. He needs to be where we go for our problems, our joys, our life in general. He needs to be where we go for wisdom and to understand what is going on in our lives. People are great, but God needs to come first. I need to take that step. That step that says, I trust that things will work out because my God is a loving God. God cares about his people and he will protect them.

Can you feel your heartbeat racing? Can you taste the fear in your sweat?

I take things to heart.

I am a person who listens to what people say, look at myself and then say, "you're not good enough."

I am worth more than that, they say.

However, at the same time, I feel opposite from what they say to me.

What do you mean, Annie? Let me tell you.

I am told that I am a great person. That I am caring and that I am loving. That I put myself out there for others. That I am selfless and that I am someone who truly cares. Someone who is willing to be last and let others be first. One who listens and truly listens. I am told that I am liked by all and that I have few enemies. Yes, I agree with these things, but here is where I start to think opposite...

When my faults are pointed out to me in a way that makes me feel like I fail all the time.

When others make me feel as though I am always a certain way, that my moods never change.

That people are just used to my anger and my bitterness.

That I am never happy and that I am never satisfied.

I know that I love honesty, I do. However, sometimes honesty is not dealt with in proper ways. Maybe, I am too sensitive. Maybe, I shouldn't let things get to me too much. Maybe, I need to change. Maybe, people say these things to hint that my heart is not in the right place. Maybe, I am a failure, maybe not. I do know for a fact though that when these things are said, or shown, or whatever, I feel totally not worth anything. I feel like I have failed as a follower of Christ, that I have failed in what I proclaim.

Maybe, I am too angry, too bitter. Maybe.

The true question is how do I deal with these things?

Live Where You Are

I came into Taylor hating it. Despising it with all I have. Not wanting to change my heart or my mind towards it. I could do better. This was not the place for me, but I had to go here. I'm not going to lie, this was mindset until about...this year. I cared for the people who cared for me, but as a whole, I hated Taylor. I did not like the institution, the people who worked here, the administration...everything about it...sucked, straight up. I left for a bit, went overseas and came back with a bit more appreciation for it, but still not in love. It was just the other day that it clicked...here I am, complaining, wallowing in all that I hate about this place and how there are so many rich kids here and how we spend so much money on so much stuff that we do not need and how I could be somewhere else. I could be somewhere else, saving the world, working with those who are less fortunate. This is where God hit me upside the head...there are people less fortunate here. There are people here who do not have what they need to survive. They do not have God, they are missing him. There are people who have problems like the rest of the world and just because they have money does not mean anything. There is so much more to life than that. I am here now and I need to be here. I do not need to be anywhere else. If I were somewhere else, then I would be there, but for the meantime, I am here. What does this mean in my life? It means that I need to suck up those times where I am upset that I am here. I need to be there for those who need people. God can use me here and he wants to use me here, I should not fight that just because I do not want to be here myself. I should want to be here so that I might serve him. This life is not about me, but it is about him and it's about time that I see that. I need to quit being so freaking selfish and wanting to be everywhere else but here.

On that same note, if I am going to be here for God then I need to live like it. No more lukewarm, but either hot or cold. If I am going to commit to being a Christ follower, then I am going to honestly commit to it.

Shalom, New Year 2010.

Another decade has passed. This is two that I have gone through now. Bang, good job, Annie. The first one was quite a scare with the Y2K threat and not thinking that I would see the light of day again. But alas, we did, and then some. Thank you world for allowing us to freak out for no freaking reason. I know that this was the last time, but saying that it makes me think of all the other stupid things that we freak out about....

-Swine Flu...one of the most deadly epemics...oh wait...not true. A lot of people died, but about as many as the regular flu...yes, sucked more than the regular flu (I would know), but still completely overrated..
-Car Accidents...example: there is a large possibility of a car accident between Wengatz and Olson, so we MUST put a stop sign there...oh wait, there has NEVER been an accident there...my bad
-Everything will give you cancer...wait...
-Gluten free!..where did this come from? And why is it so big now?
-WEST NILE....chill the eff out.
-LIVING....you can't be toooooo careful!

Dear America,
You have try to start to live in a bubble.
Most of the things you worry about, you have brought upon yourself.
Stop worrying, start living.
Love,
The Sanity of the rest of us

As we start into this new year, we will be welcomed with only more stupidity I am sure. More stupid reality shows, more stupid weight loss plans, more stupid ways to spend money and not need to, more stupid ideas that no one wants to really claim, and just plain stupidity. Here's to you 2010, show us what you've got.

This is what I made about love.

Suck it love.