Vulnerability Within Inadequacy

Often times when I am going through Spiritual warfare, I imagine myself being the "patient" in the Screwtape Letters.  I imagine myself in these battles as I am starting to win how the Devil is only plotting his next move. I suppose it is a strange thought to find myself in the middle of fake conversations between demons in a book written by C.S. Lewis, but minds have to be imaginative every once in a while.

The latest battle that I have been dealing with is being an inadequate human being. This is an odd thing for me to admit as I appear to be fairly confident on the outside, but even I have to have human qualities I guess. The true battle that lies within this fear of inadequacies is allowing the Devil's lies to steer it rather than the truth of God. It's so much easier to hear the lies over the truth and convenience wins over challenge. At least that is what the enemy tells us and I have found myself following that more often than not lately.

The truth is that with transition comes new struggles, new challenges, or past ones that are revisited. Moving down to Indy has been a great thing for me and God has truly been working in me since I have been here. I have felt what it means to have the joy of the Lord within me again. I have rediscovered what passion is and have grown in my passions. However, as I have been growing, I have fallen into a spiritual battlefield. The great truths that the Lord has revealed to me are manipulated and twisted into the lies that the Devil wants me to believe. I have fallen into the comparison of myself with others down here in a wide variety of areas. I see greatness happening all around me and instead of being encouraged, I see how I have fallen short and I am not good enough. Allowing vulnerability for a defeat by the enemy.

This is where I have to start my own plan of counteracting the attacks that are thrown my way. I can either allow my flaws and short comings bring me down and fall into a pit of self pity or I can allow the Lord to work through those. Anxiety and fear have no place where the truth of the Lord resides and in this I can find true confidences. I am human and I do have flaws just like all of those who surround me who I compare myself to. Even with all of my imperfections and downfalls as a human being, I can have faith in the fact that God will strengthen me through those. I cannot be afraid of the pain that comes along with that process, but instead embrace it. Embracing flaws brings on a more complete picture of not only God, but the body of Christ that surrounds us. Here's to further challenges within 2013 and moving forward.

Naptown's Reminders

1. A Reminder of Joy

Over the past few weeks, I have rediscovered what it feels like to be overcome with joy. I would honestly say that this is a feeling that has been missing for quite sometime in my life. I have been happy and I have even seen glimpses of joy, but being overwhelmed with joy has been out of the question. However, through being in Indy and having the chance to really take a breath for the first time in a long time, I have found this sweet joy that I have been missing for so long. 

The truth of the matter is that happiness is nothing without joy. It's funny to think that I have been told that for so long, but it took a period of time without it for me to completely understand it. Now that I have felt joy again, I need to not take it for granted, but instead keep ahold of it. I need to keep ahold of it not only in the times that are happy, but also in the times that are rough. Joy is something that we all connect with happiness, but the reality of the matter is that joy comes from the Lord. This means that even in the toughest times, we can feel true joy if we are rooted in the Lord. 

2. A Reminder of True Community

 Community was something that was completely lacking in my life over the past year. I had a bit of a community in Muncie, but I only partially felt a part of it. I was going through some rough times that I had no one to really work through with me. Since being here in Indy I have not only been a part of one great community, but two great communities.

Going to Indy Metro has helped me to see what church community looks like. For the longest time I have forgotten the beauty of community within the church. My old church had it, but I never felt fully a part of the community. I have felt fully a part of the church since I first started going to Indy Metro two months ago. The group of people that I have met there have been encouraging, uplifting, challenging, and some of the greatest people that I have ever known. It's definitely been a blessing to be a part of a group where I feel like I can be real about life with them 

Aside from that I have found great community in the group of women that I work with at Starbucks. Since being here I have already seen God working in me through them. I have been able to be open and honest with them. I have already walked through struggle and challenges with them since being here. We have laughed together and cried together which is a weird thing for me to ever admit. The reality is that they have encouraged me and they have challenged me. They push for me to be a better person not only in the work place, but also in life. 

3. A Reminder of Passion

I haven't allowed my passion to truly come out in a while. I have felt that it's been stunted by my lack of joy or even lack of desire. I have been afraid to seek out my passion or to even feel it because I know how much it hurts when it's no longer there. Such a typical human reaction to lack of something to not seek it out because they won't want to lose it once it's there. Looking at that now I see how ridiculous that is, but I am human so I am quite ridiculous to begin with. 

Two weeks ago in my interview with Wheeler, my passion started to really be ignited again. Talking through things that I love and care for in the interview. Being open and honest about how excited I get when human beings start to see their true meaning stirred up something great in me. But to be completely honest, this was the question that was the actual game changer, "If there is one thing that you could tell these women, what would it be?" With that question, I felt the Spirit of the Lord come over me. This was the breaking point and it's about time.

My passion was restored as I answered with how my soul longs for people to see their true worth. I desire for the women that I come in contact with (and anyone else for that matter) to see themselves as God sees them. I desire for people to diffuse the lies of the world that are being thrown at them and to rise up and become who they were designed to be. I wish for all the hope that has been destroyed to be restored and for them to see that this can be a hopeful place. That within all of the darkness there is some bit of light that shines through. I wish for all people to see that in all the brokenness there is hope for something greater to rise up. 

It's through these three reminders that God has really pursued me since I have been in Indy. I have truly felt his presence and I have truly been challenged by his Spirit. It has been rough at times, but it has been amazing at the same time. The truth of it all is that I am starting to realize what it feel like to be alive again. It is something that has been so refreshing and I am so blessed by it. I am blessed by this time in my life and most of all by the people that God has put in my life.