Susie Told Me to Run Away

I know that I have already written a "New Year, New You" post, but here is the continued learning from 2017 so far.

Many people haven’t had the greatest of things to say about 2016 and to be honest I don’t really have much good to say about it either. There were good times, but the reality is that 2016 wasn’t the greatest year overall for me. With 2016 leaving me bummed, I decided that 2017 had to be different. To move forward in the new year meant that I had to figure out what I wanted the new year to look like. With that being the case, I took a solo self exploration trip last weekend to Nashville to really think through things.

Here is what I learned:

1. I should runaway from my problems (Susie told me to).
2. Always tie up your imaginary horse.
3. Words don’t mean anything.

I should run away from my problems (Susie told me to)...
I had some time to meet with a good friend when I escaped from reality. During that time she told me that the best thing that I could do was run away from my problems. Okay, so what she really told me was that I needed to NOT run away from my problems. I have this tendency when people who care for me are telling me one thing that I hear the complete opposite.

During the last year, I spent a lot of time processing what was happening, but the truth is that I didn’t process what I needed to when I needed to. I allowed myself to get overburdened and I suppressed things that I didn’t want to deal with. Moving on meant growth and growth meant pain. I didn’t want to feel the pain. I didn’t want to go through my laundry list of issues that the year had brought on. I wanted to stop feeling inadequate and wanted to feel whole, but running away was the only thing I felt I could do.

Spending time with my dear friend last weekend helped me to let my guard down. It allowed me to take time to myself and really see how I needed to stop running and start dealing with what has been going on. I had time to spend alone and allow myself to think which allowed me to understand that I needed to wrestle through my issues. I was reminded that the only way to get through issues was to deal with them one at a time. Instead of running away, I need to run towards those issues and embrace them. I can only learn once I have started to actually handle

what is going on.

Always tie up your imaginary horse…

This really doesn’t have anything to do with anything except for the fact that Susie wanted me to add it in here. While we were walking through the woods, we saw a sign that said, “Please tie up your horse.” Susie made it a point to tell me to tie up my horse before we headed down to the river. I tied up my imaginary horse and we continued on to the river.

One thing that I can actually pull from this is that I have great friends that challenge me to be creative and imaginative. Even in the midst of anxiety, sadness, and chaos I have friends who provoke me to act like a child and to let loose. I have learned that it is in the times where everything feels so heavy that it is necessary to laugh and to have a good time. After all, they say that laughter is the best medicine.

Words don’t mean anything…

During my time of processing with Susie, I realized how this is a lie that I believe more than I would ever admit. I am as vulnerable as I want to be, but I have the tendency to keep myself from letting words affect me. I don’t take in compliments and allow myself to hear truth. I don’t allow myself to be hurt when I need to from the words spoken to me by dear friends. I don’t allow myself to be sad when I am put down. I don’t let words say what they are meant to say, but instead I allow myself to believe the lie that they don’t mean anything.

I want this year to be a year that I allow words to sink in, but not over think the words that are being said to me. I want words to hold the weight that they are supposed to hold. I want to think carefully through how I speak to and of others. The truth is that words have meanings for a reason and I need to be real about those meanings.

That my friends is what I learned on my solo weekend to Nashville. Even though 2016 wasn’t my favorite year, I believe that it has brought some thoughtful challenges for me to accept for 2017. I am ready to move forward this year and to allow myself to be renewed.

New Year, New You

The beginning of a new year always brings questions and challenges. We read statuses about "New Year, New You" and have conversations about who we want to become. We think through the all of the good times and the mistakes that we have made in the previous year. We take all of that only to start over new and wipe the slate clean. As the reminders have been strong around me over the past few days, I too have been thinking about what 2017 will bring.

To be completely honest, 2016 wasn't the greatest nor was it the worst. It definitely brought some challenges and at times I was knocked down, but I also had some pretty great times. The past couple of days have really challenged me and have challenged me in who I really want to be in 2017. I don't want to become someone new, but I do want to continue to grow in who I am. 

Here's what 2016 taught me:

Family is important. I care about my family and I appreciate them, but to be honest I haven't always been the closest to them. During the past year, I truly started to understand the importance of my family. Last year challenged me to be more of a support in my family and to be strong when it was hard for others to be. It challenged me to be there even when being there was the last thing I wanted to do.

Grace is necessary. Relationships are messy. As we get older, the messier they seem to get. We hurt others and are hurt by those who care for us. We break hearts and get ours broken. We have arguments and say things that we don't mean. The reality is that in the midst of all of the pain that we put each other through, we need grace. We need to show grace to each other and we need to show grace to ourselves because in the end those relationships that we fight for are worth it. 

Give grace, but speak truth. Being gracious doesn't mean not being honest. Be honest about what truly happened. Be honest with yourself about how you are hurting yourself. Be honest about telling others how you feel. Speak truth in order to give grace, grow, and move forward. We all need to hear truth in the midst of struggle because that is the only way we will grow.

Don't disregard feelings. I struggle with not talking about things with people because I feel that I am burdening them. We all have those constant struggles that we go through and it is easy to push those aside. However, the reality is that we still need to be real about what is happening in our lives. Just because we have a reoccurring struggle does not make it any easier to handle. It reoccurs for a reason and there is a deeper root. We have to keep talking through them and being real about how it is affecting us. 

Here's to what I am going to do in 2017:

Continue to be a better sister and daughter. I want to continue to grow and be there for my family. I want to be challenged by my family and I want to make more memories with them.

Accept grace and give grace to myself. I want to continue to learn how to be gracious towards others, but I want to be able to more fully receive grace. I want to be able to own the mistakes I make and to give myself the grace I need to grow. I want to be able to accept grace from others and to see my true worth.

Be honest and communicate more often. I don't want to allow situations to get to the point where they break me or to a point where I hurt others. I want to continue to communicate more clearly with those who I am in community with but also be able to be vulnerable when necessary. 

Be real with emotions even when they seem stupid. I want to continue to learn how to embrace what I am feeling in order to grow. I want to grow in owning situations and learn how to better process through them. 

Last year started to shape me into a better human and I want to continue to become a better version of that person. I have set the typical resolutions, but these are goals that I really want to continue in 2017. I don't want to start over, I want to become better. Here's to the new year.