Most people would say that I am a confident human being. As I have thought more about it, I too would say that I am a confident human. I am confident that I can accomplish great things, but I am also confident that others can accomplish greater things. I am confident that I will find love one day, but I am more confident that everyone else will find love before me. I am confident in who I am, but I am more confident in who those are around me. I am a confident human being, but I am confident in all the wrong things.
This hasn't always been the idea in my head, but it seemed to be a developing thought as I got older and became an "adult." The reality of the matter is confidence as a child looks much different than it does as an adult. Children are allowed to show vulnerability and are allowed to be honest about how they truly feel. Once we hit adulthood the idea of vulnerability is thrown out the window. We have to be put together. We have to have an idea of where we are going. We cannot let others see our weaknesses. We will not be consoled for the lack of confidence that we have and often times are stomped on because of it.
The truth of the matter is that I do have a great group of friends that surround me and build me up. However, I feel that there are those certain areas of my life that I lack confidence in still. There are plenty of areas where I have continued to fail and building confidence up after that seems almost impossible. I look around and see how those who surround me are so put together and have everything in order and it brings me down a little bit each time. I feel like I can't be open and talk about these things because it's not something that we do as adults. We don't talk about our fears of never finding the love of our lives or never fulfilling our dreams. If we talk about these things, we are weak and we haven't truly hit adulthood.
The question therein lies is how to remove the displaced confidence I have put on others and place it upon myself. The first challenge is always getting the problem verbalized, step one complete. The next step is to make some changes to my own mindset. With that being said, I am going to take on confidence. It's time to go head to head with my fears and destroy this beast that has been destroying me for so long.
