A roadtrip with the Nelsons

So many people have pondered, "what is it like to vacation with the Nelsons?" I am about to answer that question for all those people pondering this question. So here it is folks:

Picture this:
A small glowing blue PT Cruiser traveling down a beautiful highway, hills, sunset, green...gorgeous. This is from the outside, let's travel inside. Backseat, a brother and sister duo playing and singing tunes to an acoustic guitar. Front seat, bald headed Jerbear "driving", mother "reading" poorly written romance novels.

Scenario One: Broski and I playin and singin some tunes we wrote ourselves, along with some Thrice, Ataris, etc. As we are singing, interruption...
Dad: Bub, do you know any Jimi Hendrix?
Bryan: Nope.
Dad: What about Rod Stewart?
Bryan: Nope.
Dad: What about that song, 'A Horse With No Name'?
Bryan: Nope.
Dad: What about, 'Country Roads'?
Bryan: Nope.
We continue on with our own tunes. Singin about a man who lost is friend in south London. Singin about how our mom drives like a drunk. Singin about how Bryan likes boys. Throwin some Phoenix Ignition and Hootie and the Blowfish down. Ten Minutes (if that) pass Interruption...
Dad: Play some Christmas songs, Bub.
Bryan plays the first line of Carol of the Bells.
Dad: Do you know, 'Grandma Got Ran Over By A Reindeer'?
Bryan: Nope.
Dad: Do you know, 'Mary Did You Know'?
Bryan: Does it look like I would know, 'Mary Did You Know'?
Dad: Ok....What about, Rod Stewart?
Bryan: I just told you know.
Continue to play some more. Lovin our lives, Two minutes later...interruption
Dad: Hey Bub, do you know, 'Horse With No Name'?
Bryan and I: No Dad, we don't. We didn't 20 minutes ago and still don't.

Scenario Two:
Dad's drivin down the road, right...we are still playin music in the back. Now, let me just explain how my father drives. First off, he has ADD...which does not always mix for driving. Honestly, sometimes it is like letting a dog drive the car. You know when you have a dog and you are walkin him and all is well, he's well behaved and chill, then what does he see out of the corner of his eye? A squirrel and what does he do? He runs. He gets off track of what he is doin and runs after that squirrel. That's my dad. We are drivin down the road, right, and then he sees something out of the corner of his eye and he is plastered to that object. He looks at the object and then cannot take his eyes off of it. Here's where the problem lies however, when my father looks at something, the car magically seems to steer that way as well. He is not so good at staying in the lane when his eyes are somewhere else. Not only that, but he cannot multitask at all when he is driving. Not even unscrewing a bottle cap....nope, by then we are off the road. Furthermore, I think that he might quite possibly be narcoleptic.

Let me explain: When my father gets in the driver's seat, he seems to fall asleep. Every time.
Example:
(Sound of tires hitting the rumble strip creating that ungodly sound)
Bryan: Dad, are your eyes closed?
Dad: No, no.
Bryan: Are you sure? I think they are.
Dad: (Getting a bit defensive)...You can't even see them! You don't even know!
Bryan: Okay...if you say so.
(Ten seconds later, that sound occurs again)
Me: Dad, I think that the road is on the left side of the white line....not where it goes "rawr."
Dad: Anna, I know! I am staying on the road.
(Goes off the road again)
Mom: Jerome, are you tired?
Dad: Quit, pickin on me guys, I am fine!

Okay now it's mom's turn. Mom is sitting in the front seat. Minding her own business. Reading her terrible novel.
Bryan: Mom, why are you so angry?
Mom: I'm not Bryan.
Bryan: (Nudges me and whispers) Anna, ask mom why she is so angry.
Me: Mom, why are you so angry?
Mom: I'm not angry, Anna.
Bryan: (Nudges me and whispers) Anna tell mom that she is a worthless sack of crap.
Me: Mom...you are a worthless sack of crap.
Mom: Bryan! That's not very nice!
Bryan: Annie said it.
Mom: You told her to.

So that's the typical scenario. Bryan telling me to say things to upset mom. One thing that I have noticed though, is that with my family, my profanity level increases majorly. My mom does not like swearing, so it is my brother's favorite game to swear in front of her. When she gets upset, he 'makes' me do it. Only creating more 'anger.' Probably one of our favorite games. Another thing that I have noticed is that when my Aunt June is not with us, I have turned into the family lush. Thanks family.