Goodbyes are hard to say. This becomes more real to me every year as I watch the same things happen during graduation weekend. As I sit there and watch people have a last hoorah together of drunkenness, making out, and "living the dream," the more I realize that it is all just an escape. Every year, there are huge parties to celebrate how we no longer are on the LTC and how we have made it through. Do I have fun? Of course I do. However, at the same time, it kills me on the inside. I mean, I do have fun and I do like hanging out with people. However, I am not hanging out with my real friends. I am hanging out with the buzzed, tipsy, or drunk versions of my friends. What an awesome way to spend my last Saturday night of my college career...
Here's what I did love about the weekend...
I loved sitting on the porch, talking about life and being able to really discuss what is going on in life. I loved being able to go out with friends at 1 am to Southside for a night of good conversation and many laughs. I loved having meals and sitting around the table in each others presence. I loved running errands and spending quality time.
Sure, partying is fun.
It is a blast.
But for me, it is an escape.
It may not be to others, for them it may be a way to really enjoy those last moments.
I just wish that my last night at TU could have been more intentional.
Oh well.
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
Pile of Stones
We did not know what we were getting ourselves into when we headed down State Road 26. We arrived at the house to see a sign on the door that he was in the barn. We walked around back, still not so sure of what was going to happen this day as we were just helping out a neighbor. That's when we met James or Jim (we are friends now, so I can call him Jim). Jim was so joyful and so full of life. He was excited to see his brothers and sisters at his door to help him. He joyfully greeted us and more joyfully thanked us for being there. We walked around the yard and cleared up the the sticks and leaves. We spent about two hours doing this until the thunderstorm brought our work to an end. Jim invited us inside to have cupcakes, write in the guestbook, and have a seat. As we sat in that house and as Avaline, Jim's wife, sat with us we were blessed. We were blessed, we were convicted, and we saw a glimpse of God.
The first blessing of God was how he showed his faithfulness. Jim and Avaline do not live an eloquent life in a large house. They do not live a life that is filled with riches and filled with never ending funds. Quite the opposite. Jim and Avaline live a humble life in a humble home. They are on the fence everyday if they will be able to remain in their home. And as we were sitting there listening to their lives and how God brought them to where they were at, we saw how faithful God truly is. Avaline handed us a book that had many signatures of the people who have poured into their lives. And that was when Avaline explained that when times get hard, God blesses them so much through people. She explained that if she put stones in a pile for all the blessings that God has given them and given them through people, the pile would be never ending. God is faithful.
The second blessing or maybe conviction was that God will guide us. If we let go of everything, he will show us where to go. If we just stop trying to control what we want to do and look to him, he will take us somewhere. There is much more to this story, but no words can describe it. God is in control.
The first blessing of God was how he showed his faithfulness. Jim and Avaline do not live an eloquent life in a large house. They do not live a life that is filled with riches and filled with never ending funds. Quite the opposite. Jim and Avaline live a humble life in a humble home. They are on the fence everyday if they will be able to remain in their home. And as we were sitting there listening to their lives and how God brought them to where they were at, we saw how faithful God truly is. Avaline handed us a book that had many signatures of the people who have poured into their lives. And that was when Avaline explained that when times get hard, God blesses them so much through people. She explained that if she put stones in a pile for all the blessings that God has given them and given them through people, the pile would be never ending. God is faithful.
The second blessing or maybe conviction was that God will guide us. If we let go of everything, he will show us where to go. If we just stop trying to control what we want to do and look to him, he will take us somewhere. There is much more to this story, but no words can describe it. God is in control.
Friday, May 6, 2011
I am perfect.
It has been argued so much for the past week and yes it has been annoying, tiring, and downright obnoxious, but I am choosing to write about it anyway. Ignorant statement after ignorant statement has gotten me to the point where I am thoroughly annoyed. As we sat in class today, we did a mini-poll. The poll started out with a few question about the summer and about life. The poll ended with some questions about Osama. The first couple were the typical "Go America!" questions that I could not justify myself to answer in a way that said, "Go America!" The last couple were theological. The question "Is Osama going to burn in hell?" brought upon a roar of laughter. Really, church? Is this how we feel as a body? This is what brought me to the deepest pain. The fact that we can straight up laugh at someone's possible damnation. Why is this something that is so funny to us? I suppose that justice is truly served when a person is personally separated from God. All of us are made in the image of God. We were given the ability to love like the God who loves us. Of course our love will never be a perfect love, but God gave us the capability to love like he loves. When a person loses a life that and that life was never reconciled with the perfect, loving God, who brought all humanity into existence, God mourns. He mourns over all life that is lost. He mourns over those who never came into a perfect love with him. He mourns over those who will never be in His kingdom. And yet, we think this is funny. Justice is served, a man is dead and there is a possibility that he did not know God. This is not something that we as a Christian body should rejoice over. This is not something that we should chant "GO AMERICA!" This is something that we as a Christian body should be mourning over. We should be deeply hurt and sorrowful because someone who could have spent eternity with the all loving father may not be. And yet, this is all a joke.
With this, I think that we should all accept a challenge. What is the purpose of our lives? What do we live for? We should be a life that is rejoicing with what God rejoices with. We should be mourning with what our God mourns. We should be showing love even in the hardest circumstances. This death of a man who was openly hated should be something that opens our eyes as believers. One of the last questions that was asked on that poll "Does God love Osama Bin Laden?" Not everyone could say yes. That is a sad thing to hear. Our God, our loving, forgiving, and deeply compassionate God does not dislike his creation. He does not hate his creation. He may hate what is wicked and what is wrong, but that is not humanity. He loves all and cares for all because all was created in him image.
You threw a stone too.
We are murderers too.
We killed our King and yet we were not "justly" punished.
With this, I think that we should all accept a challenge. What is the purpose of our lives? What do we live for? We should be a life that is rejoicing with what God rejoices with. We should be mourning with what our God mourns. We should be showing love even in the hardest circumstances. This death of a man who was openly hated should be something that opens our eyes as believers. One of the last questions that was asked on that poll "Does God love Osama Bin Laden?" Not everyone could say yes. That is a sad thing to hear. Our God, our loving, forgiving, and deeply compassionate God does not dislike his creation. He does not hate his creation. He may hate what is wicked and what is wrong, but that is not humanity. He loves all and cares for all because all was created in him image.
You threw a stone too.
We are murderers too.
We killed our King and yet we were not "justly" punished.
Monday, April 25, 2011
Memory
"Memory is a way of holding onto the things you love, the things you are, the things you never want to lose"
I have never wished to forget anything from my past. I know that what I have gone through and what I have dealt with has created me into the person that I am today. Though I have never wished to forget anything, I have wished to be able to suppress these memories at times.There are times when I wish that I cannot have certain things from my past on my heart or on my mind. I wish that I could control memories to when I wanted to bring them up not when a specific song is playing or when I am in a specific place. That would be really nice. However, that is not how it works. Memories come in whenever the heck they want to and no matter what, even if I say that I can hold them back, I can't. Not even if I try my absolute hardest and lately I have tried my hardest. I wish to keep these memories back, I don't want to be in pain and I don't want to hurt...but it's through that pain and hurt that I have become who I am today. I know that sounds like a cheesy Christian novel, but it is true.
I remember sitting there. I remember being in the aisle. I remember no one talking. I remember everyone staring. Staring forward at the stage. I remember crying. I remember pain-filled hearts. I remember fear-filled people. Fearful of who. I remember dreamful thinking. I remember saying it couldn't be. I remember prayerful thinking. Praying that it did not happen. I remember so much more than this. I remember the pain, the hurt, the tears. I remember all of it. I remember what I was reading, the test that I did not get to take, a new outlook on family.
5 years tomorrow.
I have never wished to forget anything from my past. I know that what I have gone through and what I have dealt with has created me into the person that I am today. Though I have never wished to forget anything, I have wished to be able to suppress these memories at times.There are times when I wish that I cannot have certain things from my past on my heart or on my mind. I wish that I could control memories to when I wanted to bring them up not when a specific song is playing or when I am in a specific place. That would be really nice. However, that is not how it works. Memories come in whenever the heck they want to and no matter what, even if I say that I can hold them back, I can't. Not even if I try my absolute hardest and lately I have tried my hardest. I wish to keep these memories back, I don't want to be in pain and I don't want to hurt...but it's through that pain and hurt that I have become who I am today. I know that sounds like a cheesy Christian novel, but it is true.
I remember sitting there. I remember being in the aisle. I remember no one talking. I remember everyone staring. Staring forward at the stage. I remember crying. I remember pain-filled hearts. I remember fear-filled people. Fearful of who. I remember dreamful thinking. I remember saying it couldn't be. I remember prayerful thinking. Praying that it did not happen. I remember so much more than this. I remember the pain, the hurt, the tears. I remember all of it. I remember what I was reading, the test that I did not get to take, a new outlook on family.
5 years tomorrow.
Monday, March 21, 2011
“The book came out of me, I came out of them”
Such profound and well thought out words. Thank you Rob Bell. I am glad that there is such a man to quote such intelligent things for us fellow believers to follow. Listening to Rob Bell make a fool of himself and the rest of us lately has made want to vomit. Seeing him and his postmodern, trendy self makes me want to show up at his door with pitchforks and torches. I guess that is an inappropriate response and my real response should be to witness to him and show him truth. However, I may or may not be filled with anger when seeing his face lately.
It is not only his flawed theology, but it is the fact that he sucks at speaking. For example, the above quote, “The book came out of me, I came out of them...” Wow. Really? My first question is, you birthed a book? That takes some talent and I am not quite sure how that came about. Secondly, who is this “them” that is spoken of? I sure as heck hope that he is not speaking about the Christian body here. I do not think that many people would want to give birth to him.
In response to Bell's new found religion:
“We should have an entire nunnery just for Rob Bell.”
An entire nunnery just to pray for Rob Bell. I think that's a great thought Kelly, thank you for coming up with that. However, I do not think that one nunnery would be enough. We might need to get the universal Catholic church in on it. He's going to heaven anyway though, so I guess it doesn't really matter.
On a serious note about his responses though...
He was asked, “Does your God really care about his people and is not really sovereign?” or “Is your God sovereign and does not really care?” And he really had no response to this. In fact, he left it open ended and did not ask if there were any other possibilities. My question is, why would he hurt so many people by neglecting such an important question? His response does not only hurt himself and people in his close circle, but it also hurts the more broad church. He is putting words into the rest of our mouths. That is quite upsetting to me and quite selfish of him. He has been such an icon in the Christian world for such a long time and it is depressing to see that he is bring the rest of us down with him. I do not want to be a part of this band wagon. However, I suppose the good that does come from this is the conversations that we can have with people. It will be challenging and obnoxious, but necessary … especially after this whole ordeal. We'll see how this test goes.
Such profound and well thought out words. Thank you Rob Bell. I am glad that there is such a man to quote such intelligent things for us fellow believers to follow. Listening to Rob Bell make a fool of himself and the rest of us lately has made want to vomit. Seeing him and his postmodern, trendy self makes me want to show up at his door with pitchforks and torches. I guess that is an inappropriate response and my real response should be to witness to him and show him truth. However, I may or may not be filled with anger when seeing his face lately.
It is not only his flawed theology, but it is the fact that he sucks at speaking. For example, the above quote, “The book came out of me, I came out of them...” Wow. Really? My first question is, you birthed a book? That takes some talent and I am not quite sure how that came about. Secondly, who is this “them” that is spoken of? I sure as heck hope that he is not speaking about the Christian body here. I do not think that many people would want to give birth to him.
In response to Bell's new found religion:
“We should have an entire nunnery just for Rob Bell.”
An entire nunnery just to pray for Rob Bell. I think that's a great thought Kelly, thank you for coming up with that. However, I do not think that one nunnery would be enough. We might need to get the universal Catholic church in on it. He's going to heaven anyway though, so I guess it doesn't really matter.
On a serious note about his responses though...
He was asked, “Does your God really care about his people and is not really sovereign?” or “Is your God sovereign and does not really care?” And he really had no response to this. In fact, he left it open ended and did not ask if there were any other possibilities. My question is, why would he hurt so many people by neglecting such an important question? His response does not only hurt himself and people in his close circle, but it also hurts the more broad church. He is putting words into the rest of our mouths. That is quite upsetting to me and quite selfish of him. He has been such an icon in the Christian world for such a long time and it is depressing to see that he is bring the rest of us down with him. I do not want to be a part of this band wagon. However, I suppose the good that does come from this is the conversations that we can have with people. It will be challenging and obnoxious, but necessary … especially after this whole ordeal. We'll see how this test goes.
Sunday, March 20, 2011
What Clubs Kelly and I would Start in A Nunnery
1. Bingo for Nuns - Prizes included:Bedazzled habit, solo during morning mass, field trip to the world
2. Science Club - Water to wine, makin robot stuff, figurin out prototype for low cal communion bread
3. Chess Club - rules: only pieces allowed to be used are bishop and queen, no taking opponent's pieces, no saying word mate, only check
4. "Root"beer Pong Club - Only play in secretive places, must pass sobriety test after, if out of "root"beer can use communal wine
5. Twilight Book Club - Must relate every chapter to scripture, meetings only during full moons, must choose team edward or team jacob cannot be neutral or partial
2. Science Club - Water to wine, makin robot stuff, figurin out prototype for low cal communion bread
3. Chess Club - rules: only pieces allowed to be used are bishop and queen, no taking opponent's pieces, no saying word mate, only check
4. "Root"beer Pong Club - Only play in secretive places, must pass sobriety test after, if out of "root"beer can use communal wine
5. Twilight Book Club - Must relate every chapter to scripture, meetings only during full moons, must choose team edward or team jacob cannot be neutral or partial
Sunday, March 13, 2011
Sex and The Cornfields
Relationships. My favorite topic...obviously.
This past week, I sat through the talks. I went to the sessions. I was involved. Yeah, that's right, I went to all of the freaking Sex and the Cornfields stuff. And just like always, they did not answer anything. They did not give any useful information to me. Actually, the only thing that I was truly informed of was: "Hey, you are still single." Sweet, thanks guys. However, this strange event that only Christian Schools would put on did provide many outside conversations. Therefore, did do its job...yes, I admitted it.
Two main conversations came out of this week:
The first one being the completeness in being single. All around us, we are tempted by this idea of dating. We are young and we should have a mate. That only makes sense because soon, very soon (it is spring after all), we should be getting married. This thought gets into our mind and we think about it more than it seems. It is talked about in every single conversation, so how can we not think about it. However, the truth is that it is okay to be counter cultural. We can be complete without someone else in our lives. It is perfectly normal to do so. We cannot be upset that we are not like "everyone" around us. Here's a hint, everyone is not truly everyone. It is okay to be complete without someone else. There may be a day where someone else "completes you," but if that day is not now, then it is okay. I know that seems a bit simplistic, but it is a simplistic thought that a single person does not always think when surrounded by relationships.
The second conversation that came up more than once this week is this thought of being married right out of college. We love love here at Taylor University. We love people getting engaged and getting married. The faster the marriage the better. It is super healthy for that to be the case. Maybe we are a bit confused in this thought. The truth is that we do not often emphasize how important it take a bit of time before getting married. We do not emphasize that marriages fail more often within Christian colleges. We do not emphasize that it really is not going to be as easy as it sounds. We do not emphasize how when two people are both in a time of transition, it may make marriage harder. Is it possible? Yes, but it fails more often than not. We lie to ourselves to often when it comes to marriage. We get married because we are scared. We do not want to live in this transitional moment by ourselves. We do not want to wait any longer and just want to be together. Marriage is forever, what's a few more months? Is it not more important to take time to truly grow and re-identify who you are before throwing someone else in the mix? If you and the other person are both trying to figure out yourselves, you'll get to a point where you realized that you never did that. Then what? Grow up...then get married.
Conclusion:
It's okay to be single...don't be dumb, just wait
This past week, I sat through the talks. I went to the sessions. I was involved. Yeah, that's right, I went to all of the freaking Sex and the Cornfields stuff. And just like always, they did not answer anything. They did not give any useful information to me. Actually, the only thing that I was truly informed of was: "Hey, you are still single." Sweet, thanks guys. However, this strange event that only Christian Schools would put on did provide many outside conversations. Therefore, did do its job...yes, I admitted it.
Two main conversations came out of this week:
The first one being the completeness in being single. All around us, we are tempted by this idea of dating. We are young and we should have a mate. That only makes sense because soon, very soon (it is spring after all), we should be getting married. This thought gets into our mind and we think about it more than it seems. It is talked about in every single conversation, so how can we not think about it. However, the truth is that it is okay to be counter cultural. We can be complete without someone else in our lives. It is perfectly normal to do so. We cannot be upset that we are not like "everyone" around us. Here's a hint, everyone is not truly everyone. It is okay to be complete without someone else. There may be a day where someone else "completes you," but if that day is not now, then it is okay. I know that seems a bit simplistic, but it is a simplistic thought that a single person does not always think when surrounded by relationships.
The second conversation that came up more than once this week is this thought of being married right out of college. We love love here at Taylor University. We love people getting engaged and getting married. The faster the marriage the better. It is super healthy for that to be the case. Maybe we are a bit confused in this thought. The truth is that we do not often emphasize how important it take a bit of time before getting married. We do not emphasize that marriages fail more often within Christian colleges. We do not emphasize that it really is not going to be as easy as it sounds. We do not emphasize how when two people are both in a time of transition, it may make marriage harder. Is it possible? Yes, but it fails more often than not. We lie to ourselves to often when it comes to marriage. We get married because we are scared. We do not want to live in this transitional moment by ourselves. We do not want to wait any longer and just want to be together. Marriage is forever, what's a few more months? Is it not more important to take time to truly grow and re-identify who you are before throwing someone else in the mix? If you and the other person are both trying to figure out yourselves, you'll get to a point where you realized that you never did that. Then what? Grow up...then get married.
Conclusion:
It's okay to be single...don't be dumb, just wait
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