Soco Amaretto Lime

"I'm gonna stay 18 forever, so we can stay like this forever, and we'll never miss a party 'cuz we keep them going constantly. And we'll never have to listen to anyone about anything because it's all been done and it's all been said. We're the coolest kids and we take what we can get...you're just jealous 'cuz we're young and in love..."

Drowning myself in high shool musical memories. A flood of Brand New, Taking Back Sunday, and The Get Up Kids is coming over me right now. Pulling me under waves of emotions, sadness, and living in the moment. It's funny how music only adds more to the moods that we fall in. I'm reminded of the fool I was in high school falling for the sly comments and the smooth talker personality that he had. Reminded by the lyrics that I used to drown all of my problems in. The lyrics that took all the pain away for a while, but only heightened the mood that I was in. Only making me more depressed or more angry than I already was. These songs only making me wish that I had never believed him.

Now, here I am, in that place again. Full of anger and sadness. Thank you for coming back into my life this past weekend. Thank you for letting me down, as you always do. Thank you for not allowing me to tell you what is on my mind. For getting my hopes up that I would be able to. It's been a couple of years now. When you are out of sight, you are out of mind to an extent. Then, you had to walk right back in. Just like you always do. I never forgot you, I never will. I will never forget all the freaking pain and agony that you have put me through. I will never forget how you have given me so much hope only to destroy me. I will never forget how much of a game this was to you. Look at you now, you have moved on and I have tried. I have tried, but you sir, you are the reason that I cannot. You are the reason that I have lack of trust. You are the reason that my weekend was ruined. Thank you for that. Thank you for being the only freaking boy who has ever made me cry in sadness. See, see how much of this has been built up inside of me since the last time we talked. A year and a half ago. I just have so much to say. I just want to be real with you. I just want to tell you how much you have screwed me over. How much you have put me through and how much it freakin sucks. And then say thank you for all of it. Listen, I don't care if you call, but freaking follow through. At least give me the light of day.

It's funny how some of the best times of our lives could also be some of the worst. How we spend so much freaking time on what we think is worth it...was it worth it when we look back on things? It's funny how much we pour into some people to get nothing in return. How one person could bring so many smiles, but so many more tears. It's funny how after so many years, things would be thought to be forgotten, but are constantly remembered. It's funny how one person can make me write such a freaking emo post right now. How one person can have so much control over me.

I have so many emotions overflowing me right now. I have so much anger and so much pain overflowing me. I seem to keep getting myself into these situations. MY BIGGEST PET PEEVE: UNRELIABLE PEOPLE...MY BIGGEST ATTRACTION: UNRELIABLE PEOPLE. I try. I try to constantly be there. I try to be unselfish. To be selfless and to push on. To live a life that is Christlike in the sense that when I am constantly screwed over, I am only there more. I only put myself out there more for the person. A constant love that does not stop. Constantly serving when I am getting nothing in return. However, sometimes I lose sense of what this looks like. What does this look like in my life. When is it too far? Where is the freaking line!? When do I just stop? What does it look like to not be there, but to still love? How can I do this without getting hurt? What does it look like for me to tell the other person? How do I get to the point where I do not let this ruin me?

This is ruling over me right now.

I can't freaking take it.

The Inner Circle

I am not an easy person to get to know. I am a very open person, but not a person who is undersood. Most of us aren't. We will never be fully understood, nor will we ever fully understand ourselves. We are mysterious beings, let's face it. However, I have started to understand this thing, this inner circle. I have started to understand what it means to have people who surround me (a few) that know me as far as I can explain. I have learned what it takes to allow people to be there to listen to me, to tell me what they think, to take my burdens. And this has been something that has been a true blessing to me.

Nothing more really.

Jersey Shores and Mythbusters

I watched Jersey Shores last night. Never really watched it before, my first time. First off, why the heck do they all have nicknames? Really, why is that? And not only that, but why are their nicknames dumb?
Exibhit A:

The "Situation." His name is the "Situation." How stupid is that? And here's why his name is the "Situation" : His boys and him were chillin out on the sand, right? And so they was chillin and hangin' out when this girl and her boy walk past. She looks at his abs, right? And she was like "mmmhhmmm." Then his boys were like, "Yo, dude, that is a situation right there." Then he was like, "Yeah, that is a situation." Hence, "Situation." HELLLLLO, HOW FREAKING DUMB IS THAT?! Situation is not a nickname you freaking idiot. It's a description of what is going on, a situation. I am just saying, that is stupid.

Exhibit B:
"Sweetheart," a bit better nickname, but here's the problem here...she's a freaking "biyatch." She is a jerk and a total player. So, why in the heck is her nickname, "Sweetheart?" The last time I checked, a sweetheart is someone who is...sweet, nice, caring, and so on....not a freaking jerk. So, tell me this, WHY IN THE HECK DOES SHE HAVE THIS NICKNAME? I have a few nicknames for her, but I'll stay appropriate for now.

Not only do their nicknames suck, but the fact that they do nothing and then get their own tv shows suck. Seriously, what do they do with their lives? Freaking nothing. Drink, smoke, sex, and dance. That is their paycheck. What the heck?! Why is it that people like this get their own tv shows!? They DO NOTHING with their lives. Shoot, I'll do all of that for money, give me a freaking tv show! Just sayin.

And now on to Mythbusters...

So, my broski loves this show, right? And I was just watching it with him. Here's what went on in the last episode...they taught how to blow up a glass sealed safe, how to get past thermal alarms, and how to fool a fingerprint scanner. Ok, so they basically taught people how to break into things. Now, here is my thinking....some dude watching this show just got brilliant ideas on how to break into that bank that they have been wanting to for the past few years. This dudes plan was just finished thanks to Mythbusters. Thank you Mythbusters for increasing our criminal rate. Congratulations.

Oh TV....how stupid you can be.

God Bless Us Everyone

We just finished up the series, "From a Humbug to a Hallelujah" in church. Today, we talked about after we have made this decision to be joyful during the holiday season, how do you carry it on? How does it go past the holiday season and continue on into everyday life? What does it look like to make a New Years resolution internally? We have all these ideas of losing weight, going to church more, doing better in school, physical resolutions....what about internal? The things that really matter. Changing our character, how people view us. He showed the ending clip of A Christmas Carol, where it talks about how no one celebrates Christmas quite like Scrooge and Tiny Tim requotes his line, "God bless us, everyone."

Every one. The true meaning of Christ. Every one.

I think back to the scene in the movie where Ebeneezer give thanks for Mr. Scrooge for "providing this fine feast" and his wife is upset because Mr. Scrooge is nothing but a grumpy self centered old man. This is where the first Tiny Tim line comes in, God bless us, every one. I separate the "every one" to make a point. Every one meaning, no one is left out. It is not a blessing of only some people, the people who deserve it, but every single person. This is a hard concept for a human being to grasp. A concept of asking for all people to be blessed and not just the ones they like. Asking for God to help all those in need of it and not just those who deserve it. To live selflessly in the sense of being humble enough to ask this. I think about this in my own life, what does this mean? What does it mean for me to ask God to help those who I might not want to see helped? To ask him to protect those who have hurt me? Even to ask for salvation for those who need it? Yes, this is a fictional character in a play, but we can definitely learn from this fictional character.

"Let the Word of Christ—the Message—have the run of the house. Give it plenty of room in your lives. Instruct and direct one another using good common sense. And sing, sing your hearts out to God! Let every detail in your lives—words, actions, whatever—be done in the name of the Master, Jesus, thanking God the Father every step of the way. "
Colossians 3:16-18

Every detail.

Some things never Change...

Good night tonight.

Went out with Micah, movies and Taco Bell. Good conversations. Good catching up.

Annoyances of the day/night:

The annoyance of people never growing up. Of never changing. Of always letting me down like they always have. After years and years of being let down by one person, you would think that I would learn to not even get my hopes up. Or that person would learn to follow through. So the annoyance here is how neither one of us has learned. An annoyance more so with me that I am still so trusting. Really. What the heck.

Annoyance number two: Round-a-bouts....hello, dumbest thing ever created. Seriously, can someone please explain them to me? You go around in a freaking circle to get to another road. Dumb. Especially in areas that they are really not necessary. DUMB.

Annoyance number three: Crying babies in a movie theater....either don't make 'em or don't take 'em. The rest of us should not have to suffer because of the life you brought to this earth. IT'S A MOVIE THEATER = NO NOISE = NO CRYING BABIES.

Really, I am not too annoyed.

Sick of being let down, but not too annoyed.

Merry Holidays.

Boy Meets Girl

Here's a story of a boy and a girl.

1999. Elementary school, the two meet. A mixer, who has mixers for 5th graders anyway? The two meet for the first time, not knowing that their lives will be hell for each other for the next 10, maybe more, years. Two typical 5th graders meeting before their 6th grade year, where they will spend the year together, one in a new school, one in familiar surroundings. The two became best friends. The girl was intrigued and knew that she would want to be best friends with this kid, why not? The most attractive 5th grader, soon to be 6th grader in the school. This is where their story begins. The summer goes on, they are separated from each other, but finally summer is over and they are brought back together again. The two become inseparable, getting constant jokes about marriage and dating, but hey they are 6th graders, best friends. There is no such thing as dating or love. As the years go on, the continue to be the best of friends. Day after day spent together, riding on specific buses just to hang out for a couple hours more afterwards. Puppy love at its finest. Moving on into high school, the friends zone remains. They both have significant others and its understood that they are best friends. Still this feeling for each other remains in their hearts. Best friends can't date though, it ruins everything. The day comes when they decide it's okay. It's okay to date, to be more than friends. Ends in drama, still a best friend in his eyes, and there is someone much prettier out there to sleep with. Throws it all away. It's okay, best friends was a better thing for them anyway. It is now junior year, he moves away. They talk on the phone every night for about four hours. Still best friends, but he has everything planned out for them. Where they will live, what they will do, how many kids they will have. Best friends. Things aren't so good for him, she is his crying shoulder. He decides that maybe back there is better, so he moves back. Senior year, back, physically, in her life. He wants to try this again, maybe this time it will work. She is skeptical, but can't say no. Again, he betrays her. It's okay, they were better as best friends anyway. He goes away for a while, they stay in touch, not as much but a bit. Freshman year of college, a new start. She doesn't have to think about him anymore. She has new people in her life, new friends, new relationships, a new start. He shows up one day, decides to have lunch with her. They start eating lunch once a week. Things are back to what they always were. Best friends, right? Right. Best friends. He leaves again, this time to pursue his new life...in the military. He comes home every once in a while, gives a call. Still best friends. That is until one day, when she receives notice that he is married. Married. Best friends indefinitely. Best friends, but the feeling is still there. Best friends, but it will never go away. Best friends. Just best friends. Their friends always told them not to do it, not to go into it, they did not listen. Now where are they? Still, "best friends."

Boy meets girl....Best friends.

I Just Broke Up With Mary

Dear cell phone services...would you quit sucking please? I mean c'mon. You get so much freaking money a year to do what? TO SUCK! I do not know if you know this, but a ton of freaking people rely on you every day, every week, every month, every year and you let all of them down. Telling them that there are not enough bars, that there is not enough service, that the freaking call is dropped because it is not in your range. Well since you apparently do not understand, let me try to make you understand...YOU FREAKING SUCK! Fix it. Don 't screw me over and allow me to have service when I want it. If you are such a big deal, then I think you can fix it. C'mon.

Ok, but seriously....fix it.

Merry Christmas.