Sarah Keur was extremely amazed at my number of posts in one day the other day and now, I have let her down with my lack of posts since then. However, here I am again and ready to report on life. I have been keeping track of my life since then, just not on the internets. So, here it goes...
Life has been a bit hectic in the last week. I have felt extremely stressed and tired. I have been getting enough sleep, but I have not felt rested. It has been rough especially when I have to go in and hang out with kids all day. I still do like living here and I like the community that I am in. I like being with the people that I spend time with on a regular basis. I love working with the kids, but for real...I am so tired.
It is not just me though...other people are feeling the same way. Other people feel tired and like they are being attacked all of the time. It is like we, as a community, are being attacked hardcore. It all makes sense though, God is doing awesome things here and that is visible. We are not going to crumble, but it is kind of annoying sometimes.
I learn a lot of God's heart for people as I spend more time here, though. I sit back and I watch people go through their life situations. I see joy, sorrow, pain, and everything imaginable. And as I watch people go through life, as I go through life, I understand a little bit more of who God is. I watch him come to comfort those who truly need him. I watch him love those who are in need of love. And I see him completely overfill people with love and joy that flows onto others. I have learned a lot about being brokenhearted in the last few weeks though. I have experienced pain and even a broken heart in my life, but watching others hearts break...wow. And I feel my heart full of sorrow as I sit there and watch it. And I realize that there is nothing that I can do to mend it, but I need to pray. What a humbling thing to think, I can only pray. Ha, "only", as if it is something small. I do like to fix things, I do like to step up, but I have learned what it means to step down. I have learned what it means to let the ultimate Counselor take care of these problems and when he wants me to speak, I speak. I still need humbling after all these years. I still have so much refining to go. That, my friend, is a hard concept to grasp.
Friday, July 15, 2011
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
Brother is Back
I got the pleasure to hang out with my brother last night. First time in a while and let me tell you what...it was well worth it...
We watched 2 hours of the National Geographic channel. All about drug busts. How fun.
Then we watched the History Channel followed by Family Guy. EXCITING.
First great quote from my brother,
"I want to be adopted. No one will adopt me though. No one wants to adopt a 29 year old, they all want younger ones...what BS!"
Second annoying interaction with the brother...
I am in the extra room talking on the phone and my dad walks in the front door.
Bryan walks back to his room and says, "Dad, here's Annie..." I am motioning to Bryan to tell Dad not to come in because I am trying to have a conversation and Bryan yells, "Dad, Annie wants you to come here. She is in Annie's room." My dad walks in and I ask him what he wants and he responds, "Your brother said you needed to talk to me." Thanks, Bryan. Toolshed.
Third...
DairyQueen commercial comes on with this disgustingly to the extreme chocolate blizzard on the screen.
"Anna, I want one."
"Well, let's go to DQ then."
"No, you go get me one and bring it back."
"It will melt by the time I get it here."
"Isn't there a DQ in Hartford City?"
"Bryan, there hasn't been a DQ in Hartford since I was 10."
"Oh. I want one."
"I can get you Ivanhoe's."
"No, I want that!"
"Sorry, dude."
10 minutes pass...
"Anna, mom wants you to go get her Ivanhoe's."
"I never said that, Anna."
"Bryan didn't you just say that you didn't want Ivanhoe's."
"I DON'T! MOM WANTS YOU TO GET HER A REGULAR CHOCOHOLIC ANONYMOUS!"
"Ohhhh...okay...Mom, what do you want from Ivanhoe's."
Typical Nelson Night.
We watched 2 hours of the National Geographic channel. All about drug busts. How fun.
Then we watched the History Channel followed by Family Guy. EXCITING.
First great quote from my brother,
"I want to be adopted. No one will adopt me though. No one wants to adopt a 29 year old, they all want younger ones...what BS!"
Second annoying interaction with the brother...
I am in the extra room talking on the phone and my dad walks in the front door.
Bryan walks back to his room and says, "Dad, here's Annie..." I am motioning to Bryan to tell Dad not to come in because I am trying to have a conversation and Bryan yells, "Dad, Annie wants you to come here. She is in Annie's room." My dad walks in and I ask him what he wants and he responds, "Your brother said you needed to talk to me." Thanks, Bryan. Toolshed.
Third...
DairyQueen commercial comes on with this disgustingly to the extreme chocolate blizzard on the screen.
"Anna, I want one."
"Well, let's go to DQ then."
"No, you go get me one and bring it back."
"It will melt by the time I get it here."
"Isn't there a DQ in Hartford City?"
"Bryan, there hasn't been a DQ in Hartford since I was 10."
"Oh. I want one."
"I can get you Ivanhoe's."
"No, I want that!"
"Sorry, dude."
10 minutes pass...
"Anna, mom wants you to go get her Ivanhoe's."
"I never said that, Anna."
"Bryan didn't you just say that you didn't want Ivanhoe's."
"I DON'T! MOM WANTS YOU TO GET HER A REGULAR CHOCOHOLIC ANONYMOUS!"
"Ohhhh...okay...Mom, what do you want from Ivanhoe's."
Typical Nelson Night.
I'm itchin to take a trip...
Life here lately has been pretty crazy and pretty hectic. I feel like there are days where my head is spinning and it just won't stop. I wouldn't trade my new life in for the world as I do really love it here, but for real, I need a break. If I keep running myself like this, I will burn out. And that is not something, that I, Annie Freaking Nelson, am okay with. It is not even one of those things where I need to be knocked down because I am taking on too much responsibility. It is quite the opposite actually. I am not taking on a lot, in fact, I am sitting in the background for once and allowing people to give me assignments. Not because I am not willing to do anything or to take things on, but because I am truly using this as a learning experience. And here I am, learning, and so often that learning consists of me being shoved down in the dirt. Let's be real, I am more than willing to get a little bit dirty, but eating it so often is not my favorite thing in the world.
I know that this is just another one of those attacks. Those attacks in which I am told that I am not good enough and that I will never make it. I know that I need to fight back if I want to survive. I get all of that, but I do like to vent every once in a while. It is nice and healthy, I suppose.
And as I sit here, wallowing in my "hard knock life" (yes, I did that on purpose), I can hear the resounding words in my head, "Though the battles may come, the war has already been won..." And a thank you Megan and Dad for teaching me a lesson without even trying or being here to do so. I need to remember those words as I start to get down and upset on what is going on around here. Things might be hard and not always ideal, but there is no reason to fret about any of that. I know that I have a God who is bigger than all of that and who has already won the battle for me.
We had our block party this past weekend. There was quite a turn out. I got a few bruises, before it began..way to go AFN! The community came together and it seemed like everyone had a blast. I am glad that I am a part of this community and that I get the pleasure to interact with the members of the community. I am still getting to know people and still am being acquainted, but it is good so far. I am excited to see how I get involved further down the road. Other than that, life has been pretty chill around here. I also got the chance to watch my 4th Jump Rope USA presentation on Saturday. That was a much needed outing and with such great friends!
Only a few more weeks of summer left and school will start up again...
I am ready, but not ready at the same time.
It will be a good change from Summer Literacy, though.
Only a few more weeks at KFIM and I will have to start looking for a job again...not pumped for that.
I know that this is just another one of those attacks. Those attacks in which I am told that I am not good enough and that I will never make it. I know that I need to fight back if I want to survive. I get all of that, but I do like to vent every once in a while. It is nice and healthy, I suppose.
And as I sit here, wallowing in my "hard knock life" (yes, I did that on purpose), I can hear the resounding words in my head, "Though the battles may come, the war has already been won..." And a thank you Megan and Dad for teaching me a lesson without even trying or being here to do so. I need to remember those words as I start to get down and upset on what is going on around here. Things might be hard and not always ideal, but there is no reason to fret about any of that. I know that I have a God who is bigger than all of that and who has already won the battle for me.
We had our block party this past weekend. There was quite a turn out. I got a few bruises, before it began..way to go AFN! The community came together and it seemed like everyone had a blast. I am glad that I am a part of this community and that I get the pleasure to interact with the members of the community. I am still getting to know people and still am being acquainted, but it is good so far. I am excited to see how I get involved further down the road. Other than that, life has been pretty chill around here. I also got the chance to watch my 4th Jump Rope USA presentation on Saturday. That was a much needed outing and with such great friends!
Only a few more weeks of summer left and school will start up again...
I am ready, but not ready at the same time.
It will be a good change from Summer Literacy, though.
Only a few more weeks at KFIM and I will have to start looking for a job again...not pumped for that.
What's been on my mind...
In church on Sunday, we talked about Genesis 34. We talked about being abused in all ways. About taking power to get what we want or about someone else taking power to get what they want. About taking advantage through power that we might have. It is the culture that I grew up in. Use the power that you have to get your own desires fulfilled. Not only sexual, but also in the church or the workplace. There have been times where things have been held over my head or where I have even done it myself. And that is not what is supposed to happen. That is not of God. We were created in God's image and God's image does not reflect using power in order to get what you want. It does not reflect a life that is used to abuse others so that you can get higher up or so that you can fulfill your own desires. We all have been hurt by a situation like this. We all at some point have been knocked down because of abusive power situations. And it is not our fault if we have become a victim in one of these situations. When a person has been abused by a type of power being held over them, they are not at fault. And this is something that I and many others need to remind ourselves. It hurts and it sucks, but it can be healed. You just have to forgive.
Last week, Andrew spoke about household idols. He spoke about our things that we hold on to that we won't get rid of. The things that we hoard because we 'need' them. The things that protect us from this world, from our fears, that make us feel better because we have. The things that we control, that we own, and that we make them do as we tell them to. We have these things because we can control them. They have no rule over our lives and we do with them as we please. These are the things that fill the voids in our hearts. The things that we think that without we could not go on. And then he pulled out a verse where God mocks those who have household idols. God created all the earth, he created the universe, he has all the power in the world. He is invincible and he is all knowing. He is the God of all things. And here's what is funny about our household idols…we created them. An idol that we created ourselves that cannot stand. God is not created, he is the creator. And we think that a puny little idol that we created ourselves can stand against the God of the universe? Yeah, right.
Francis Chan uses an illustration to show what it means to encounter the Spirit…A caterpillar lives his whole life crawling on the ground as a squirmy little slug. He takes a nap one day only to wake up many days later with the ability to fly. He no longer needs to crawl around on the ground, but instead he can fly. So should be the same with us when the Holy Spirit enters us. We should no longer go on crawling, but instead, we should be flying. The Holy Spirit should take us off to a new level and we should not be like we were before. We are a brand new creation and we do not need to worry about who we used to be because that is not who we are any more. We are new!!! And yet, so many of us do not live like we have the ability to fly. We do not live so that God is guiding our lives, but we are still living a life that is our own. And this is not who I want to be anymore. I don't want to be the person who is living a life crawling on the ground when I can fly. I want to fly, I want to be a creation that is glorifying to God. I want to live a life that looks different. I don't want to be the same person that I was when I met Christ, but instead a new creation. I want to live a life that is completely and totally different.
Last week, Andrew spoke about household idols. He spoke about our things that we hold on to that we won't get rid of. The things that we hoard because we 'need' them. The things that protect us from this world, from our fears, that make us feel better because we have. The things that we control, that we own, and that we make them do as we tell them to. We have these things because we can control them. They have no rule over our lives and we do with them as we please. These are the things that fill the voids in our hearts. The things that we think that without we could not go on. And then he pulled out a verse where God mocks those who have household idols. God created all the earth, he created the universe, he has all the power in the world. He is invincible and he is all knowing. He is the God of all things. And here's what is funny about our household idols…we created them. An idol that we created ourselves that cannot stand. God is not created, he is the creator. And we think that a puny little idol that we created ourselves can stand against the God of the universe? Yeah, right.
Francis Chan uses an illustration to show what it means to encounter the Spirit…A caterpillar lives his whole life crawling on the ground as a squirmy little slug. He takes a nap one day only to wake up many days later with the ability to fly. He no longer needs to crawl around on the ground, but instead he can fly. So should be the same with us when the Holy Spirit enters us. We should no longer go on crawling, but instead, we should be flying. The Holy Spirit should take us off to a new level and we should not be like we were before. We are a brand new creation and we do not need to worry about who we used to be because that is not who we are any more. We are new!!! And yet, so many of us do not live like we have the ability to fly. We do not live so that God is guiding our lives, but we are still living a life that is our own. And this is not who I want to be anymore. I don't want to be the person who is living a life crawling on the ground when I can fly. I want to fly, I want to be a creation that is glorifying to God. I want to live a life that looks different. I don't want to be the same person that I was when I met Christ, but instead a new creation. I want to live a life that is completely and totally different.
Monday, July 4, 2011
Such is Life.
Last night we went to the symphony. I forgot how much I love orchestras. It was a really great night as we sat outside, listening to music, hanging out, and having conversation. Towards the end of the night, the sky started to get dark. It was evident that there would be a thunderstorm of some sort. The rain held off until the end. However, the show inside of the clouds was incredible. The lightning inside of the clouds danced along with the music as the orchestra played. The sky lit up and the beauty was revealed every single time. I watched this show put on between the sky and the orchestra and could only think how creative our creator is. It seems like such a typical, corny, Christian thing to say, but I am serious. God is so creative. He created the beauty of the earth and he created that natural show in the sky. I see these things and am reminded of how good God truly is. I am blessed to be loved by a God who is so big. I am blessed to be a part of this grand production that He is putting on. I am blessed to call myself His child. I love how little things like thunderstorms and lightning can bring such a big reminder.
This reminder came at just the right time. I have hung out with my friend Matt a lot lately because he is heading out to Wisconsin and I have been bogged down with atheist statement after atheist statement. He just wants me to say that I am not a Christian. He wants me to say that I don't believe in all of this "stuff." The truth is that I can't say it. I can't say it and I can't believe it because the truth is that I do believe in God and I do believe in Christianity. I have doubted at times just as we all have had doubts about something, but the truth is that I have no reason not to believe in God. I have no reason not to believe in Christ. I have no reason to give up my faith because I have been without it and it sucks. The situation with Matt sucks because every little thing that I say is shot back at me about not believing in God. It is an attack and it sucks because I have never pushed Christianity on him. I have never pushed any of my faith on him. I have been willing to talk about it and I have lived it out, but I refuse to push it on him. That's not what he needs. It has been one heck of a battle lately though.
I have a job for the next few weeks. It actually has been a pretty good job so far. I am working with an agency called KingdomForce. It is an organization that sends brings the Kingdom of God in the United States, but also in Kenya, South Africa, and Jamaica. They connect with existing ministries to send teams to partner with them and work alongside of them. In the US, they plan events all around the United States that bring the body together and unify the body. Recently, they had Youth on Fire in Muncie, which happens four times a year in Muncie. The service was actually really sweet. They definitely have God's blessing in their ministry. He is doing great things through them and it is evident. My main thing in the ministry is that I am an assistant or glorified secretary. It's not too bad, I am typing, running errands, making phone calls, and it's something that is not so bad. I enjoy it greatly actually.
This reminder came at just the right time. I have hung out with my friend Matt a lot lately because he is heading out to Wisconsin and I have been bogged down with atheist statement after atheist statement. He just wants me to say that I am not a Christian. He wants me to say that I don't believe in all of this "stuff." The truth is that I can't say it. I can't say it and I can't believe it because the truth is that I do believe in God and I do believe in Christianity. I have doubted at times just as we all have had doubts about something, but the truth is that I have no reason not to believe in God. I have no reason not to believe in Christ. I have no reason to give up my faith because I have been without it and it sucks. The situation with Matt sucks because every little thing that I say is shot back at me about not believing in God. It is an attack and it sucks because I have never pushed Christianity on him. I have never pushed any of my faith on him. I have been willing to talk about it and I have lived it out, but I refuse to push it on him. That's not what he needs. It has been one heck of a battle lately though.
I have a job for the next few weeks. It actually has been a pretty good job so far. I am working with an agency called KingdomForce. It is an organization that sends brings the Kingdom of God in the United States, but also in Kenya, South Africa, and Jamaica. They connect with existing ministries to send teams to partner with them and work alongside of them. In the US, they plan events all around the United States that bring the body together and unify the body. Recently, they had Youth on Fire in Muncie, which happens four times a year in Muncie. The service was actually really sweet. They definitely have God's blessing in their ministry. He is doing great things through them and it is evident. My main thing in the ministry is that I am an assistant or glorified secretary. It's not too bad, I am typing, running errands, making phone calls, and it's something that is not so bad. I enjoy it greatly actually.
Monday, June 20, 2011
When life throws you lemons...
As I sit here, I think of how grateful that am tat I have a loving community around me. And I see the love of God and the hand of God on the people around me. I see Him working through people and Him pouring into people around here. I see His light shining. I see all of this and I see where I am at. The struggles that I have gone through this past weekend and the unrest that resides in my soul because of it. Not an unrest in the sense that I am nervous or scared, but an unrest in what Jesus would do. It is such a lame sounding phrase, but as I sit here and think, it's an intense question.
When a person is in a bind, they need help, they verbally admit that they need help, but they are not willing to take the steps that are needed...is it right to throw them back to where they were before? From my experiences with tough love, I would say that is what needs to be done, but as I look at the holistic Gospel that is the imago dei, is that really what is to be done? I want to say yes, but the truth is that I fall into conflict with myself. Where is my role in this? When am I supposed to step up and intervene with interest of self and what needs to be done? When am I suppose to be protector?
We fall into these what would Jesus do moments every once in a while. It is the moments where you know that something has to be done, but something else inside of you questions if that really was the right thing. It is a battle that strengthens us and that pushes us to really trust in the Lord, but also pushes us in love. The only reason we ever ask ourselves these questions is because of love. It is because we care and we know that there could be something better for a situation. The question is...how do we find the balance between knowing there could be something better, but being alright with not being able to do anything else at the time. And here I am, in another battle where the Lord is taking over my heart. The truth is that I need to be okay with the battle and wrestle with what is going on in order to become even more like Christ.
"On behalf of this man I will boast, but on my own behalf I will not boast, except of my weaknesses. Though if I should wish to boast, I would not be a fool, for I would be speaking the truth. But I refrain from it, so that no one may think more of me than he sees in me or hears from me. So to keep me from becoming conceited because of the surpassing greatness of the revelations, a thorn was given me in the flesh, a messenger of Satan to harass me, to keep me from becoming conceited. Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong."
(2 Corinthians 12:5-10 ESV)
When a person is in a bind, they need help, they verbally admit that they need help, but they are not willing to take the steps that are needed...is it right to throw them back to where they were before? From my experiences with tough love, I would say that is what needs to be done, but as I look at the holistic Gospel that is the imago dei, is that really what is to be done? I want to say yes, but the truth is that I fall into conflict with myself. Where is my role in this? When am I supposed to step up and intervene with interest of self and what needs to be done? When am I suppose to be protector?
We fall into these what would Jesus do moments every once in a while. It is the moments where you know that something has to be done, but something else inside of you questions if that really was the right thing. It is a battle that strengthens us and that pushes us to really trust in the Lord, but also pushes us in love. The only reason we ever ask ourselves these questions is because of love. It is because we care and we know that there could be something better for a situation. The question is...how do we find the balance between knowing there could be something better, but being alright with not being able to do anything else at the time. And here I am, in another battle where the Lord is taking over my heart. The truth is that I need to be okay with the battle and wrestle with what is going on in order to become even more like Christ.
"On behalf of this man I will boast, but on my own behalf I will not boast, except of my weaknesses. Though if I should wish to boast, I would not be a fool, for I would be speaking the truth. But I refrain from it, so that no one may think more of me than he sees in me or hears from me. So to keep me from becoming conceited because of the surpassing greatness of the revelations, a thorn was given me in the flesh, a messenger of Satan to harass me, to keep me from becoming conceited. Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong."
(2 Corinthians 12:5-10 ESV)
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