Will you be missed?

Last night in class, David asked this question, "If Taylor left the community of Upland, would it be missed?" My Upland side of me was quick to respond with, "no, of course not." We are the body of Christ and we should be making an impact on this community. Day after day, I am dealing with things that students don't normally deal with from Taylor. They don't see the pain and the agony that this community goes through. They don't see the brokenness and the lifeless people who live here. They see the "happy, shiny, Taylor community." I know that I am being a bit of a broken record when I talk about this, but the truth of the matter is that I am hurting. I am in pain for this community. We, the people who do help out, cannot do this on our own. We, the ones who see it all, cannot hold these burdens on our shoulders. We, the people who are out there, in the battle, cannot fight this fight alone.

Parts of the Taylor community would be missed if we left Upland. The parts that would be missed are the ones who pour into the people of Upland. The parts who have put themselves out there on the front line. The parts that are not afraid of being hurt by the community, but are willing to take the pain. The parts who cry, who grieve, who laugh, and who love the community. These are the ones who would be missed. These are the ones that the community would take a great hit from. I see the impact that people have on this community. I see the people who come in and out. I see the ones who are missed and I see the ones who people say, "we're better off." In this past year, there have been three dear people to this community who have passed away. They were people who no one would expect from the outside to have such an impact, but people were impacted. They were blown away and their lives were changed by these three people. They weren't huge leaders in the community, but they were people who loved and cared for the people of the community. They were people who were in this community in different ways, but they loved above all. I see this and see how they impacted and wonder why we can't be the same way?

The truth is, that I am so passionate about my community. I am so in love with my community and the people in it. And at times I do want to go crazy because of it, but I love this community. I would not change growing up in it for the world. I have a passion for the broken people in our community and that is hard for me. It is hard because I see so much that could be done and see so much that we are not doing. We are not here to be superheroes by any means, but is it that hard to really love? We are so blessed. We have so much going for us. Our campus has the Holy Spirit working in it day after day. With that, there is nothing that is impossible. All excuses that can be had can be thrown out with the Trinity on our side. We have a Savior that has shown us how to live. A savior that has shown us how to love. A savior that has shown us where our treasure should lie. We have a Spirit that will guide us. A Spirit that will direct us and push us. A Spirit that will give us discernment and wisdom. We have a God that is stronger than anything else. Stronger than the lies of Satan. Stronger than the battles of this world. A God that is everywhere. A God that never leaves our side and is bigger than anything that might come in our way. That pretty much covers up all the bases of excuses. So, why aren't we doing more? We are capable.

God On Earth

Revelation 4:

As I sat in chapel, I felt the Spirit of the Lord upon me. There was nothing other than the Spirit on me. It filled me up and brought this sense of peace on me. It is amazing to look around and see how God shows up so vividly in one place. Listening to the voices in unity. Seeing God fall on people. Truly witnessing God in people's lives. I am in awe. It is that picture in Revelation 4. The one of all the elders bowing down on their knees and in unison are singing, "Holy, Holy, holy is the Lord God Almighty." It is the picture of David down in front of God singing "Your faithful love endures forever." It is the picture of the saints coming together and praising in such a beautiful way. God was in chapel and I just so had my eyes open to see it.

As I was reading through Revelation 4, I did see a parallel to our chapel. I saw how our worship resembles that. I mean, it is not the same by any means, but it is a glimpse into what we will be one day. We often overlook the beauty of worship, not just in our chapel, but in general. When we are together like that, singing in one voice, it is a look into what we will one day be. That is awesome and I mean that in the literal definition of the word. It is truly AWE-some. As I do get upset by the fallen part of Taylor sometimes, it is days like these where I am reminded of how we are in God's light. We are a body and we are so beautiful because of that. It is a nice reminder.

Jeremiah 17:

I was reminded also of not counting on humans. It is so easy for us to put so much faith and trust into those around us, but the truth of the matter is that we are all fallen. We cannot put our full faith and trust into those around us. As it says in Jeremiah 17, the human heart is deceitful. It does not know truth as God does. Yet we are so quick to listen to our hearts above all things. We are so quick to rely on others before we rely on God. We are supposed to live in community and to have others help us with our burdens, but the truth is that God is the only one who we can fully count on. Having help with our burdens is a complete different thing than putting full faith in someone. We do have trouble seeing the line sometimes though.


With all of that:

God is good. God is present and it is so amazing.

Spiritual Sanctity.

With time brings much change. Such a simplistic and honest thought, I know. However, with change, we tend to lose important things that we should not lose. Growing up in a community that promotes Christ and being surrounded by Christians on a regular basis, it has been hard to keep all the spiritual disciplines. The one that we have lost sight of that is extremely important is the discipline of confession. Not just confession, but community confession.

As a society, we are taught to think that everything to do with vulnerability is a no go. Vulnerability is weakness and that is something that is not okay in our world. We always have to be on top of things and everything has to look shiny on the outside, even if it is not on the inside. This may be great for the world, but this is not how we are created to be. We are put into community and we were created to have people in our lives. We long for interaction, even if it may not seem like it. This longing for people and for social lives is not by accident, in fact, it all makes sense.

In the Bible, we are told to carry one another's burdens and to encourage one another. We are told that two people are strong together, but even stronger with three. Sure, when we are in trouble, we sometimes call on people, but that is not all this is about. We struggle, we have things that are tearing us up on the inside, things that we would never share with anyone. Things that we are not telling others because we know that it might change the way that they look at us. However, back to community, to carrying one another's burdens...sharing these things is necessary. Getting things off of our chests and being real with people around us is extremely important, not only for accountability, but for sanity. It helps us to really build each other up and to encourage each other in times of trouble. Think about it, confession is such a freeing thing.

Oreos, Cocoa Krispies, Chips, and Salsa

I have started to discover more and more of how relaxed I am about the future. The question is...is this necessarily a bad thing? I would not say that it is, but more of a blessing I suppose. My brother and I headed out to Savage's the other night. As we were driving, we talked of how this is not really home to us anymore. Our heart isn't here, but on the west coast...sounds like some sappy emo song, but it's true. We look at the Midwest and see the same old thing every freaking day. The same old people in the same old places. No one leaves here, they stick around and hang out with the same people. Their drinking buddies from high school are still their drinking buddies today. Still working the same old burnt out jobs and really doing nothing with their lives. Everyone knows everyone's name...not a bad thing, but we need an adventure. We need a change of scenery. Let's be real, we are itching to get out of here and to have a real good time. It's time for a change.

I mean, I think it is awesome to be able to know everyone in my small town. It's great to be known when I walk into a store, but it is much greater for me to be unknown. I like people now knowing who I am and having to actually take the time to get to know me. What's the fun of living when everyone already knows everything about me? Everyone knows that I am planning on getting the heck out of here when I am done. Most have guilted me about it, letting me know that I have something good here. They don't know why I would ever leave and go anywhere else. To go somewhere that is new to me and unknown is so crazy to them. It's dangerous out there, they tell me...so what, bring it on. I could stick around here in Upland's safety net or I could live a little. Why not do it while I can?

I love this town. I love the people in it. I love my high school kids, but I have lived it. I have been used and I am still being used. However, God has different things for me, I know it. It's time to go seek those things.

Here I come.

$36,000

Day after day, we are reminded about how great our school is. Everytime Haebecker gets up in front of us, he reminds us..."How GREAT Taylor University is." Great, we are so great.

However, let me question this, Taylor University...if we are so great, so intelligent, then why do we waste so much money on so little of nothing. I would normlly be speaking of dumb buildings and stupid light poles, but this time, I am speaking about the courses that we pay so much money for and really learn nothing. As I have sat here in my lab, I have listened to the professor waste time because he was not prepared. This is not our problem that he was not prepared nor should it be at our expense. If we are paying for a class, we should get the money's worth of the class. Not only should we get the money's worth, but the academic's worth. We go to this school to be "well rounded" and we do not get that as much as we should. I know that my class is a general education course, but the truth is, it is still a class. The bar should be set higher than we set it.

LTC

As days go on and I spend more time here at Taylor University, I discover more about myself. Over the years, I have discovered more and more of how I hate injustice. See we "follow" this thing here at Taylor University called the LTC. The way that this covenant works is that we are living in a community where we hold each other accountable and call each other out. We are supposed to follow the rules, but we are supposed to confront one another. We are supposed to call each other out in truth in love. We are supposed to go directly to the person before going to a higher authority (you know, like the Bible tells us to).

However, as I have been here, I have seen nothing but the LTC being skewed and used in improper ways. I have seen hall directors lose sight of Christ and become more legalistic in their thinking. This ruins the whole purpose of the LTC...the LTC is not some legalistic document that was created to keep rules, but it is a CHRIST CENTERED document in order for us to build a better community. A community that is focused solely on Christ.

If this is the case, then why do we keep doing what we are doing? Why are we not calling out the administrators, hall directors, and leaders of our campus? Why is it that when we do call them out, they just neglect the fact that they are not upholding this document? The truth is, we do not look at all things in the same light. We weigh things higher than others...this is real Christ-like...OH WAIT, no it's not. Oh and when rumors are going around about someone doing something, we go to authority...way to go community. Oh and when we take those rumors and don't hear what people have to say...that is real Christian. Those rumors...that's considered gossip...that's against the LTC as well, but drinking is higher than gossip, so we shouldn't call each other out.

I look through this system again and again and see the same people abusing it. My question is, why are those people in authority? Why aren't people helping them out by calling them out? Thank you Taylor University for yet again showing your incredible intentional community and love for Christ. I wonder why everyone in this town doesn't want to be a Christian after seeing how much we live for Christ...

Global Engagement, Relentless Discovery, Intentional Community

Time and time again, I am reminded by different members of the Taylor Community that, "Taylor is a business." This is true, Taylor is a business and I am okay with that, but where does Christ come in that? We as a business should not only be a business, but a Christian business. I know that you are thinking to yourself, but Annie...there is no such thing as a Christian business! However, I am going to have to disagree with you there. There can be and there is such thing as a Christian business. And if we are not it, then we need to take Christ's label off of our liberal arts school and just be a liberal arts school. If we are not set apart from the world, then we need to take the Christ stamp off of us because it is not right to our Lord and Savior to declare his name when we are not living in his way.

I am not saying that we always have to be perfect because in no way, shape, or form are we ever going to be perfect. What I am saying is that if we are going to do this, then let's do it right. We declare that we are a school of global engagement, relentless discovery, and intentional community, but let's look more into this.

Global engagement...this means the world. We are great with sending out trips to other countries, providing Bible translations, and being engaged "globally." However, since when does global disregard community in our backyards? Last time I checked, the world includes Upland, Indiana. We get involved as a community...once a year...and it's required. Great. We help out with the Red Barn, Bassycs, and youth groups. Awesome, that needs to be done. However, where is the rest of the engagement? We are tearing down houses and becoming more exclusive. We are taking away from the economics of the community and not only that, but making our community "so intentional" that we are completely ignoring the community around us. Where's Christ in that? We go all the way to Marion to get simple groceries that we could get at the local grocery store. If we go to the one that is actually in Upland, we are keeping the dollar in the community and building up the community we live in. We spend more time trash talking and making fun of the people who serve this community rather than getting to know their stories. Where's the engagement people?

Next on the list, we have relentless discovery. When looking at these two words in the dictionary, the ending definition would be going at full speed to really push yourself and to learn and understand more. This I bring back to the community of Upland and also to the housing issue of next year. First of all, with the community, how are we pushing relentless discovery? How are we learning more and pushing ourselves more if we aren't even getting out into this community? There are some sweet people in this community who will push our thinking and our "discovery" so much deeper by having conversations and interactions on a regular basis. However, we are not promoting this community interaction with all this new construction of the new apartments and dorms. We are keeping our students out of this community. We are keeping ourselves from learning from this community and understanding this community. Not only that, but by not letting our students living on their own, how are we pushing them to grow? We are stunting their growth if anything. We are keeping them sheltered all through their college career and then throwing them out into the real world. Whereas with off campus houses and letting them actually live on their own, we are encouraging them to learn more. We are helping them to understand bills, groceries, and preparing them to get out in the world. Is this not what we are supposed to be doing? Are we not saying that it is our goal to push students to learn more and to understand more on their own?

Then we come to this whole idea of intentional community. Taylor does have a community and a good one at that, but our community is not as great as we promote it to be. Let's be real, there is no such thing as a perfect community, but we should be striving for that. In striving for that, we should be pushing each other, we should be challenging each other. We should not be afraid to step on each others toes, but instead we should be pushing ourselves to push each other. Not too long ago, I had a conversation with a fellow student about some students who got kicked out for drinking and driving. Yes, they were in the wrong for what they were doing, but if we are living in this "intentional" community, can we also take some of the blame for this? Think about it this way, how many times have you watched someone in Taylor's community bring danger to themselves and said nothing? How many times have you stepped in and actually been a brother or sister in Christ? So often we either stand by and say nothing or we take it straight to authority. If the person is in danger, there is nothing wrong with taking it to authority, but if it is taken to authority before actually talking to the person...then that is not intentional community. Why are we so shocked that people don't want to talk about their faults? Why are we so shocked that people get kicked out? Why are we so shocked that people continue to do stupid things? Why are we so shocked when it is just as much our problem as it is theirs? We are called to live in intentional community. Not only that, but intentional community under Christ Jesus.

Reading through again, it seems as though I have only trashed our school. However, this is not me trashing Taylor University. It is my home and it is my school. I do take pride in it and I do love it and that is why I am calling it out. I am calling everyone (including myself) out to really look into what we are standing for. We need to recheck ourselves and see what we are really living for. We call ourselves Christians, we are called out and we are set apart from this world, well let's prove it. Let's prove it to the world, to Upland, in our thinking and learning, and then to our actual Taylor community. Quit being so freaking comfortable and step out.

As we think about this and ponder think about this quote about servant leaders (which we so often as a Taylor community declare to be):

"True servant leaders are those who are prepared to take the initiative. But before embarking on a course of action, they listen to God and to the voices around them in order to determine what God requires of them."
Roger Greenleaf

So what does God have planned for us at Taylor University?